I was reading in Matthew a couple of days ago. This, in itself, is a pretty sweet thing that I’m actually reading my bible again. For a while I was in a place where I was just so frustrated and pissed off with so many things that I couldn’t even bring myself to read my bible. I know, that’s supposed to be the first place I turn…honestly, I just wanted to be angry for a while. The experience of the last couple of months has really tested my patience and my tolerance of people and their issues…this whole trip was supposed to be about me going into the world and serving the least of these…I let my focus get off that and allowed the responsibility of leading people into their “freedom” to take over. I’ve been going through the motions. I’ve been passionless. I’ve disconnected myself from God and the whole reason I wanted to do missions in the first place. But I’m done with that. God isn’t going to allow that.
So, I was reading in Matthew. Chapter 7. Verses 21-23.
“Not everyone who says to me ‘Lord, Lord,’
will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he
who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we
not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive
out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will
tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!”
will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he
who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we
not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive
out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will
tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!”
It struck me as I read these words that I am just like those who are trying to show off to Jesus. I’m praying over people, I’m preaching your word, I’m trying to heal the sick, I’m trying to drive out demons, I’m DOING all these things. But Jesus says that He just wants to KNOW me. What?! But, I’m DOING all these things! Jesus seeks a relationship, not just words or actions. I realized a couple of nights ago in an intense session with all the other leaders that I don’t really know what that means. What is it to have a realtionship with God, with Jesus? The question was posed to me: “How do you see God as your Father?” Ummmmm, I don’t know. “How do you see God as your husband?” Again, I don’t know. I’ve never sat down and thought of these things..not really. “What qualities in a father do you want God to possess for you?” How the heck am I supposed to know that? I’ve skimmed through life for so many years not really thinking I needed to know the answers to these questions. I’ve kept myself on a surface level with God, just like I do with everyone else.
IT’S TIME FOR THAT TO STOP!!
It’s about time I answer these questions for myself so I can truly KNOW Jesus. I never want Jesus to command me away from him because I’m trying to impress him with all the things I’m DOING. He doesn’t care what I’m doing if I’m not being real with our relationship. This is supposed to be the easiest part of being a Christ follower…allowing the Lord to love me and to also LOVE Him. Why has it been so hard for me to grasp this? Why is it difficult for anyone to grasp this concept?
