This past weekend I was driving up to Dallas to pick up my roommate from the airport and, like most of us do but won’t readily admit to it, I was jamming LOUDLY with the radio. It’s about an hour and a half drive so I was really getting into it to wake myself up and keep myself occupied…and then it happened. I flipped to a local radio station and heard a song from way back in the past and here’s how it went for me…”I surrender all my silent hopes (sniff sniff) and dreams (chin quiver), though the price to follow (lump in the throat) costs me everything (sniff sniff); I surrender all my human soul desires (eyes welling up) if sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall, I surrender all (big, rolling tear falling down the face).” Where the heck did that come from?!! I don’t cry!! I attempted to sing the rest of the song with the voice cracking and frequent sniffs…at this point I’m really happy I’m by myelf! 🙂
Why did that song hit me sooooo hard right in the middle of my jam session? I first heard Clay Crosse sing this when I was in college and just getting to know the Lord. At that time I was learning how to surrender my life to the Lord for the first time ever and these words connected with my heart in such an intense way. Now here I am 10 years later and I hear that song and this time I’m figuring out how to surrender all over again. What’s so different this time around? I’m still letting go of the life I had, I’m still giving in to God’s control and listening to His call, I’m still serving His kingdom…but this time around I feel so much more…I don’t even know what I feel anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older (I mean more mature) and I have been hanging on to a life that I thought would be good for me and all the things I wanted to do with my life…dreams and desires, but ultimately God had a much better plan and can out-do me any day!! So that’s it…I surrender…just like I did back then…God knows best and He let me know this loud and clear on a Sunday morning driving up I-35. All I have to do is let go of me and hang on to Him!! I took the first leap following the call to The World Race and now I’m praying for the strength to continue to surrender myself to my Creator.
Thankfully the rest of the drive was tear-free (I really don’t like crying), but God left me with a lesson – He seems to be doing that a lot lately, and I’m totally ok with that.
