So….I was trying to go to sleep last night, but just couldn’t! I had so many things running through my head, so many worries, so many “what if’s”, so many….just everything! My mind was racing in circles, and I could feel my body tense up, and my heart begin to harden! I felt my thoughts move from worries and concerns to complete anger and fear! I began to make up reasons why I shouldn’t go…why I shouldn’t care….why I shouldn’t even try! Then I began to cry! I knew that what I was thinking was wrong! I knew right then, that Satan was attacking me…using everything that I had not given up to Christ as a weapon to make me feel completely….well, awful! But I was crying because I could hear Jesus telling me that I needed to give it all up! That I need to stop holding back everything that’s in me! That I need to speak to Him! That I need to follow Him! That I need to be BROKEN for Him! I know that I’ve been holding back….that I’ve been trying to do all of this….all this preparation…all of it….on my own! Sure I love God, that I believe in Him…sure I know this is where I’m supposed to be…sure on everything….except for remembering that He comes first! I’ve been doing everything on my own and keeping Him out! I’ve been so caught up in the BUSINESS of this whole thing….that I have been pushing the purpose of this journey aside! He is my purpose! I need to be BROKEN! He wants me to be BROKEN! I want to be BROKEN! Oh….I pray that I BREAK! That I become BROKEN FOR HIM!
