Sunday starts just like any other Sunday, with the exception that this Sunday I honestly do not want to go to church.
I’m tired and I’m feeling drained emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
I know that I am not myself.
I feel like I was on a huge high in
Mozambique where I came to know the Lord in a different way, to where now I feel so empty like I have nothing left.
It’s frustrating and confusing.
A little bit of anger has even risen up against myself.
Anger that I can’t change the way I’m feeling right now.
I feel like there is a wall that has been put up and it’s not easy to jump over and conquer.
But I really don’t have an excuse not to go so we head to the church.
We are going to the church on the hill in Backdoor,
South Africa, to the physical “church” not in an actual building but in a huge circus tent. They are planning to start building an actual building within the next year.
Nessa goes in and sits near the back in front of some of the teenage boys.
I am not in the mood to sing and as I look around at my teammates they are singing but all look just as drained as I feel.
All I want to do at this point is to sit down and cry.
Why am I having such a hard time just praising the Lord right now?
I love being in churches here in
Africa where there is such joy, but at the moment I am not feeling any of it.
Finally about halfway through a little bit of the joy starts rubbing off and I am finally able to sing and even dance a little bit.
The time came when the youth leading the service asked if anyone would like to testify, visitors could come up as well.
Several of the youth went up and sat back down.
Right before another song started they said something about none of the visitors wanting to testify.
Scott stood up and headed towards the front.
He introduced himself and told the church that we had been traveling around the world for 6 months and we were very tired and homesick, but that seeing the joy that they all had made his heart happy.
After awhile Andrew, the guy leading the Vanguard team from
California, walked up to the front to share the Lords word (to preach).
He spoke on persecution and suffering. I’d like to share what he spoke on.
-God calls his people to Him. He calls them to come and die. “Then, calling the crowd to
join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me”
Mark 8:35
The cross was the way of execution during the time of Jesus.
He is asking me to take up that form of execution and deny myself and die, to follow him
-if you suffer for Jesus, you will have a greater reward in Heaven
“God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.
Be happy about it. Be very glad. For a great reward awaits you in heaven.” Matthew 5:11-12
-if you follow Jesus and you suffer you will have greater intimacy with him in this life
“I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead.
I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead”
Philippians 3:10
Do I really want that fellowship of sharing in the suffering of Christ?
-If you follow Christ and suffer you will glorify him and show the value of Christ as you have never before.
Why am I feeling this way?
I’ve not been through half of the things that the people here go through.
Even here we have a roof over our head, although we have no running water, we have been able to get it from a house nearby. We have no stove but have been able to cook at that same house.
At the end of the church service the world racers (team Nessa) are called up front.
Pastor Sorprise, who works with Iris ministries, tells the church that we are all tired, we have no water in the house that we are staying, and invites the people of the church to help us out…bringing us water and sweet potatoes…essentially to make us feel at home.
He then asks the church to come up front and pray for us.
Tears start streaming down my face as I, along with the rest of team Nessa, are surrounded by South Africans, Americans, and Canadians all praying for us.
This is the first time that I remember on this trip that we have been the ones being prayed for when we are having a hard time, instead of praying for everyone else.
In a way it’s almost refreshing—it’s something I knew I needed to ask for but was too afraid to seek.
After church we headed down to the house where the Vanguard team was staying to have lunch and hang out for the afternoon.
Shortly before dinner John and Dawn, a missionary couple who run the Iris bible school here, came knocking on the door.
They knew of a house in Nelspruit that houses missionaries, there is hot water, a nice kitchen, beds, and even access to the internet.
Would we want to go there to get some rest and to stay for awhile?
It took our team awhile to decide if we wanted to go and eventually the decision was made for us.
We were moving into Nelspruit to live for at least a week.
Right now I am sitting in my nice cozy bed with a huge white comforter, writing this blog.
I have now had a hot shower, probably the first hot shower in months.
Yesterday we took the day off and I did absolutely nothing but read and use the computer.
It was nice to be able to actually rest and not have anything that needed to be done.
Tomorrow Shawna, Amanda, and I are heading back to
Mozambique for the weekend with one of our contacts.
