Hello folks, sorry it’s been a little while. This blog is actually going to be probably one of my most real honest blogs. If you know me, you know I don’t get into much deep emotional things but, I’m taking a risk and trying it out so bear with me. Alright so 39 some days left.. we’d expect anticipation and excitement right? That isn’t how I’m feeling though.
I’m exhausted.
Warn out.
Mentally, physically, spiritually drained.
I miss my own bed.
My bathroom.
My clothes.
My comforts.
My own food.
The list could go on and on. I’m honestly done,
i can’t wait to come home,
I can’t wait to be back in comfort.
I can’t wait to feel freedom again.
Sometimes I want to quit and give up and pack my bags and head home. To be honest, I’ve considered it so many times here. My ministry is mentally and physically draining. I don’t feel fulfilled. I’m in bad moods.
Now you’re probably wondering at this point why I’m not on a plane Home to America. The reason hit me the other night. Why the heck am I still here?
Why am I giving my comforts up?
Why don’t I just quit now?
So many reasons to but there are so many reasons not too. I didn’t sign up for the easy. I didn’t sign up for comfort. I didn’t sign up for an always happy lifestyle. No, I signed up because I wanted to be pushed.
I wanted to grow.
I wanted to see Jesus in ways I’ve never before.
I wanted to be broken.
I wanted to feel jesus.
I wanted to serve and make it into my daily life.
And guess what guys, I’ve been broken. I’ve hit my low, my tiredness, my un comfortability. But in the midst of all these crazy emotions, I’ve found my Jesus again. He pushed me to my breaking but knew that if I just leaned on him, everything would be okay. There are sides to the mission field not many like to talk about. It’s often hard living race days. For the last week I’ve painted walls every single day for about 8 hours each day. Im living with 37 other racers.
I don’t get quiet when I want it.
I Don’t get hot showers.
I Don’t get many things but that is okay. Everything is okay. Reason for that is Jesus. I don’t need the physical comforts if I have spiritual comforts from my father. Yeah I might be exhausted and ready to quit but if it were time, I wouldn’t be here. The lord touched my heart and made me realize that my journey isn’t over yet. I signed up for the whole 9 months, meaning he would grow me on the field until 9 months. Not 8 months, not 6 months, but the entire 9. It’s shown me that even if I think I’m “good enough”, that there are still things I’m lacking in. Jesus has shown me that no matter how hard life on the field can be, that he still remains in control and that is all that matters. It’s not my time to quit, it’s my time to get on my knees and ask the lord what he has for me tomorrow, next week, next month, up until the end. Giving up would be the easy way, and Jesus never took the easy way out. So why should I? Yeah we all have our rough days where we feel like we can’t go on, but take it from a personal point of view, there is always tomorrow!! And that’s the promise I will forever hold onto. Thanks for keeping up with me and reading my blogs!! It means a lot to me!!
Love from Ecuador, Mara
