Transitioning home in a nutshell: rough.
Returning from a place of such intense community with people
surrounding me at all times of the day to come to a time of no job, no cell
phone, and only knowing a few folks in Hernando…well, its been tough. I have questioned
the Lord a hundred times and thankfully I have started to realize some things…
surrounding me at all times of the day to come to a time of no job, no cell
phone, and only knowing a few folks in Hernando…well, its been tough. I have questioned
the Lord a hundred times and thankfully I have started to realize some things…
Before the race, I was unable to sit at Granny’s house for
any length of time…the urge to get up and GO somewhere or see someone would
drive me nuts. Now, I find such contentment in sitting with Granny and Pepaw
each night and watching Memphis Grizzly basketball. Cooking and chatting in the
kitchen are quickly finding deep places in my heart. Granny is a well of
hilarious comments and stories. I adore that woman, in case you were unaware.
any length of time…the urge to get up and GO somewhere or see someone would
drive me nuts. Now, I find such contentment in sitting with Granny and Pepaw
each night and watching Memphis Grizzly basketball. Cooking and chatting in the
kitchen are quickly finding deep places in my heart. Granny is a well of
hilarious comments and stories. I adore that woman, in case you were unaware.
(me, sarah, and nicole cooking pies for thanksgiving)
All this time to sit still, think, and listen, has brought a
recent memory to life…
recent memory to life…
On my last night in Siem Riep, I sat and cried with a
teammate to be freed from the bonds in my life I had with a certain person. I
had held onto a painful situation long enough and begged the Lord to release me
of the things I carried. Fast forward to this past week, 3 nights ago to be
exact. I was given news that would forever alter the situation to which I
clung. After praying for ties to be broken, I expected that I would instantly
receive healing and my heart would be whole. HA. I’m sure God got a good laugh
out of that one. So, I sat listening to breaking news from a close friend and I
literally felt a collapse of motions in my being. If I had been unbound to this
soul, why was I wanting to throw up, sob, and pass out all at once?
teammate to be freed from the bonds in my life I had with a certain person. I
had held onto a painful situation long enough and begged the Lord to release me
of the things I carried. Fast forward to this past week, 3 nights ago to be
exact. I was given news that would forever alter the situation to which I
clung. After praying for ties to be broken, I expected that I would instantly
receive healing and my heart would be whole. HA. I’m sure God got a good laugh
out of that one. So, I sat listening to breaking news from a close friend and I
literally felt a collapse of motions in my being. If I had been unbound to this
soul, why was I wanting to throw up, sob, and pass out all at once?
I have wondered this for 3 days now. One of the men on the
squad sent me a verse, Hosea 6.1-3.
squad sent me a verse, Hosea 6.1-3.
“Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that
he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days
he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up. that we may live
before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is
sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that
water the earth.”
he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days
he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up. that we may live
before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is
sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that
water the earth.”
I of course focused on the part about being torn in order to
be healed.
be healed.
Then came today, the third day,
I was driving and it hit me…I prayed for freedom…then while
Christ was removing this from my life…I curled up in a ball and cried because I
didn’t want to fully lose this thing to which I attached myself. I had held
onto this and made it such a part of my heart, that my soul began to grow
around the shackles I carried and they were becoming a part of me. Naturally,
when skin grows around something and then the object is removed…the flesh
tears. I was ripped. And I mourned the loss. Driving down the road on the third
day, I found myself rejoicing and praising the greatness of our God over a new
path that has been opened for me. I was shown that the liberation I asked for
that last night in Siem Riep was being given to me…if only I would embrace it
fully. Then I laughed…the verses given to me were SO TRUE. The first day I fell
apart. The second day, I began to accept this to be a fact of life-of which I was
NOT a fan. THEN on this glorious third day…God is raising me up, to new life
and love in HIM, to accept new freedoms and loss of the weight of my burdens,
and to a new service in His name.
Christ was removing this from my life…I curled up in a ball and cried because I
didn’t want to fully lose this thing to which I attached myself. I had held
onto this and made it such a part of my heart, that my soul began to grow
around the shackles I carried and they were becoming a part of me. Naturally,
when skin grows around something and then the object is removed…the flesh
tears. I was ripped. And I mourned the loss. Driving down the road on the third
day, I found myself rejoicing and praising the greatness of our God over a new
path that has been opened for me. I was shown that the liberation I asked for
that last night in Siem Riep was being given to me…if only I would embrace it
fully. Then I laughed…the verses given to me were SO TRUE. The first day I fell
apart. The second day, I began to accept this to be a fact of life-of which I was
NOT a fan. THEN on this glorious third day…God is raising me up, to new life
and love in HIM, to accept new freedoms and loss of the weight of my burdens,
and to a new service in His name.
Being home has given me chances to, for the first time in my
life, truly sit still and know that He is God-to revel in that fact. I have
come to an all-new place of loving my Heavenly Father, my Savior. Though I
crave the constant community of the Race, I have grown to love the ways that
the Lord speaks when I have so much one on one time with Him. I have been led
to enjoy a deeper prayer life, I have been enabled to fully let go of planning
and wondering about “next steps”, God is entrusting things to me in His timing
and I am finally able to enjoy that and totally trust in His perfection.
life, truly sit still and know that He is God-to revel in that fact. I have
come to an all-new place of loving my Heavenly Father, my Savior. Though I
crave the constant community of the Race, I have grown to love the ways that
the Lord speaks when I have so much one on one time with Him. I have been led
to enjoy a deeper prayer life, I have been enabled to fully let go of planning
and wondering about “next steps”, God is entrusting things to me in His timing
and I am finally able to enjoy that and totally trust in His perfection.
Granny last Christmas…she would STRANGLE me if she saw this..and no, those are not her real teeth!
Granny and Pepaw at my cousin’s wedding.
