Less than 30 days until launch! This has been the fastest 7 months of my life, as well as the most emotional. I talked about my emotions in the last post, and to sum it up for those who haven’t read it, emotions are hard for me. Yet in the past 7 months I’ve experienced more emotions than I ever thought a commitment like this would elicit.
Can I just be very honest with you all for about 5 minutes?
I am not ready.
At least, I don’t think so. What does ready really mean? People say it all the time, “Ready to date” “Ready to get married” “Ready to go” “ready to settle down” “ready to move on”…How? The unknown is something that is nearly impossible to prepare for. Even more so, growth is impossible to completely prepare for. Growth is going to be completely new. In middle school, the tall boys were not ready to grow. They were all over the place and clumsy. One day their 5 foot selves did not say, I’m ready to be 5’11. Growth just happened one summer and they just had to adjust to being this new, tall person. I cannot say I’m ready for the world race.
The discouragement is real.
I cannot explain in words the battle that is within my mind, but here’s a try. So many discouraging thoughts…everyday. The only way to combat them is with truth through the Bible. Some days are more tiring than others, and some days it’s hard not to give in and believe the lies. Some days it’s just hard to accept the victory that’s already been won. So if you ever want to send some encouraging words my way, I’ll be so thankful! As Elizabeth Elliot once said, “Don’t dig up in doubt, what you planted in faith.” This is truly a step of faith.
I have a much better understanding of what Jesus meant when He said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24)
Let me first say I am SO thankful for the way you all have blessed me in such grace through funding this next year of ministry! Sometimes I wish God would have told me about this specific call sooner so that my financial planning could have been better…this trip is literally costing me everything! But God did knew that, and He is the whole reason I am going…it’s obedience for me, and He who called is faithful.
“Cuz there’s no shame
In looking like a fool
When I give you what I can’t keep
To take a hold of you” – United Pursuit
One more thing. It’s been hard to be excited.
Yup. You may be thinking, HOW could she ever not be excited to travel the world? But it’s true. It has been hard because honestly I’ve never been someone with a desire to be an international missionary…or to live out of a hiking pack, and eat unfamiliar food, and be uncomfortable in general. God though, is beginning to open my eyes to a bigger picture that I saw, but did not see clearly. I should be excited because of JESUS! It works, too. When I think about the fact that someone will hear about Jesus and how He can change your life and bring you a joy and peace, it excites me! If even one person who has only felt the frailty of human love, truly knows and feels the love of the Savior for the first time, this is WORTH it. and THAT, is exciting!
Okay, I’m done being honest…just kidding. Keep reading! 🙂
Guys! I am $6,000 away from being fully funded! I want to invite you into this journey! This is my next step of obedience, and I ask, is it something you will prayerfully consider supporting? God is so good and a good friend once told me that God invites all of us to His great mission of spreading the Gospel of Jesus in only two ways…going or sending. Will you send me ( Click the “Donate” button)? OR consider and pray. Maybe God is calling you to go somewhere?
Thank you so much, love you all! Enjoy this AMAZING song 🙂
