I was listening to a song called ‘Abide’ by Kingdom Culture back when I was staying in Georgia and these words stuck out and were on repeat in my mind:
‘There’s no striving, just abiding, there’s no striving in you.’
John 15:5 first came to mind:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
At the time I believed that the word ‘Abide’ was for the team I was with, so I didn’t explore much more of it.
Let me walk you through the last few countries and some of what the Lord has been teaching me.
PRUNING.
“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”
John 15:2 ESV
Georgia was a hard month for me. We were in two different places throughout the month and even extended our stay in Georgia as we connected with a flourishing Kurdish church towards the end. However, month 7 hit and I battled through a spirit of exhaustion, frustrations, tension, challenging areas of leadership and again pruning by the Lord. Unfortunately, at times I would numb myself, rather than press into more of what the Lord wanted to do in me and the team I was with.
At different points on the race there has been frustration around feeling like I’m doing nothing. Let’s be honest- we feel good about ourselves when we are doing something. But what about the times when you feel like you are not achieving anything? We want to see outcomes, we want something concrete, essentially we want to see fruit. That’s not a bad thing, but am I seeking validation from the fruit? Am I abiding in the Lord to bear fruit or doing it in my own efforts? Is the fruit glorifying God or myself? The Lord has taken me on a journey with removing my performance mentality and continues to stop my striving. When I cannot see the physical fruit, I trust that God is shaping my heart instead and the heart change far exceeds anything. I have needed to be reminded that the Lord just wants my heart not my performance.
“For the source of your pleasure is not in my performance or the sacrifices I might offer to you. The fountain of your pleasure is found in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before you. You will not despise my tenderness as I humbly bow down at your feet.”
Psalms 51:16-17 TPT
REST.
After Georgia we reached Azerbaijan and I was in need of rest and connection. I reconnected with my team and we took some time to rest and prepare to lead debrief. We had put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to have our first debrief fully organised and perfect. We realised that was not required of us. Instead we chose to just be His daughters and again stop striving. The Lord knew what He wanted to do during debrief and we just wanted to be obedient to Him. It was a great week with the whole squad and the Lord moved in awesome ways.
Yet, it was busy for me, amidst the leadership breakfasts, dinners, team debriefs and one on ones, I would try and take 15mins here and there to lay my head down or talk with my own team. I quickly realised I had not processed the last month of the race and that I had suppressed a lot of emotion. I needed to be honest with myself and just needed to feel the Lords comfort and rest. As a good Father, He provided me with some sweet moments over debrief where I was able to come before Him, lay my head on His lap, feel His embrace, cry and rest. He invited me to stay in His embrace as long as I needed. To stay long enough to actually receive from Him. He was teaching me that rest is about receiving and allowing His life giving sap to flow into my life. That there was no requirements of me and I could just be still before Him. I needed rest, true rest, that only the Lord can provide.
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.”
John 15:4 ESV
At the end of debrief we set off for another country. We reached Kazakhstan after 53+ hours of crossing the Caspian Sea by cargo ship. It was a long process but surprisingly a good journey across the sea. We had a little 4 bed cabin, 3 meals a day prepared for us and some kind workers on board. The squad had multiple worship times, we saw some beautiful sunsets, caught up on sleep and I got intentional time with my team.
TRUST.
Once we made it to Aktau, my team and I spent some days together to just rest after a debrief and connect with one another. Landry and Emily left after a few days to head to Uzbekistan, while Cortnie and I stayed with the intention to travel in a few more days to our next location and team. However, the train tickets were sold out until the following week, so what initially was a couple of days rest, ended up being a week long. We both had no idea what the Lord wanted us to do during this time. Once we were able to leave Aktau and after a 2 day train ride, we reached the capital and again had a delay to our next town due to train ticket availability. I had some frustration at how plans had changed this month and how we didn’t get as much time with teams as we had hoped. But, we chose to trust that what we see as delays and inconveniences are part of God’s plan and are opportunities in disguise.
During this delay time the Lord reminded me of these words again: ‘abide rather than strive’.
Again ‘Abide’.
This time I asked the Lord what it meant for me to abide. Again He brought up John 15 and 1 John 4.
What I realised is that everything He has been teaching me over the last few months were accumulating into the meaning of abiding. He has taken me on a journey of pruning, resting and trusting in Him the last few months. All along He was teaching me, reminding me how vital this connection between Him and I is. To remain steadfast in my connection to Him, to dwell, wait for, believe in and receive from Him. God desired me to receive from Him, sit with Him, rest in Him, trust Him and allow Him to prune away the areas that needed to be, to allow new growth to form.
My prayer is that I continually press in. So when I loose sight, I will remind myself to abide.
I want His words, His love and His joy to flow through me to others.
Abiding means so much more than this and the Lord continues to teach me what it looks like. I encourage you to ask Him what it means for you to abide in Him also.
I am an utterly dependent branch that is grafted into the vine to give God glory.
“By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.”
John 15:8 ESV
