There I was Sunday morning taking notes on my pastors words like I always do when God spoke straight to my heart and rocked my world like He so enjoys doing to me..
I used to hide myself from everyone, ashamed of who I was, ashamed of what I was doing. I got so well practiced at wearing my many masks of self confidence and “I don’t care attitude” that I started to loose who I was underneath it, all I knew was that I hated who it was under my mask and I could never ever let anyone see it. I knew that if I would let my mask slip people would see my disgust. This person that I couldn’t stand and I knew no one else would either if they saw what I saw in me. I wore my mask of “I don’t care” when really all I cared about was trying to keep ahold of people and relationships that was always hopeless in my agony
I grew more sick of myself daily until I could not bare it any longer, I surrendered to the Lord face to the floor in my shame not sure what it meant but ready to do whatever was needed in order to be free of this person that I was. What a rough road to acceptance and eventually love of who I was created to be. It is insane to go from hate to love like I did. I now KNOW fully who Jesus is. He lives in ME. I have Jesus on the inside of me and He says that I am pure.. Through Him I am whole. Not tattered pieces anymore. No my God didn’t just sew me back together… My God made me better then my wildest prayers could have thought or dreamed..
My God didn’t just restore me He gave me a life and a heart that I couldn’t ever see through my darkness.
“For I know my plans for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (my life verse now)
I finally was able to hold onto that and wow did He give me a double portion. More than a hope and a future.. I now KNOW my future is bright and he has BIG PLANS for me.. like 11 countries in 11 months…
Somehow in the last few months I FORGOT!! WHAT?!! How could I forget who God created me to be?! I am more then a conqueror through Jesus(Romans 8:37) I have been created for greatness!! And my God says I am so important to Him.. He loves me SO much.
I am sitting in church Sunday morning and God spoke straight to my heart in that gentle yet knee dropping way, The Lord said the calling on your life is way too important to be hung up on dumb little things. Fix your heart He said, we have work that needs done and mountains to move.. I keep getting stuck on pebbles.
How is it that God has told me so many amazing things about who I am and what I am called to, I just simply forget…
Well I know now, and the awesome thing is the next time I forget.. He is always there and will remind me.. That is who He is and wow isn’t He AWESOME?!
Father God you are so great! You continue to blow my mind daily. Thank you for that, please never stop blowing my mind. Thank you for talking to me for telling me what I need to know, what I need to remember, thank you for giving me the desire to be exactly what you want me to be and motivating me when it feels too hard to handle or continue you are so generous and I am forever grateful for your abundant blessings. I love you so much… In Jesus name… Amen!
