I love when my God speaks so clearly to my heart that I am immediately changed. It amazes me that I still have so much growing to do with Him. He has showed me so much and molded my heart so beautifully that it is sometimes hard to bare. All I can do is fall to my knees in gratitude for my abundant life. He loves me so much that He saved me.. He saved me in every way that I could be saved.. In more ways then I even had any idea that I needed it. He fought hard for me and never gave up. My God had plans for me.
Its amazes me still when I tell my story that I truly did live that way. I am such a joyful person. I love my life, I love who I am around. I love how I feel. I love my God! I almost forget who I used to be. I used to hate myself, I would do anything I could to try and numb the hate I had but the agony never truly left. The agony just compounded with more horrible things that happened in my life. Some my fault, but mostly just the path that I decided to walk. The only walk that I knew how to do. I went my entire life thinking that I was cursed, anyone that came close to me was destined to have the same fate because of the curse that I was. I never knew true joy, love or, anything close to it. I always reached and tried to get love but always the wrong way. I hated myself, I couldn’t receive love from anyone because it didn’t fit the hate I had. I was in a dark prison. A prison of the mind,prison of the heart and chained to my addiction of self hatred.
I was once a much different person. My story must be told because God watched over me, had a plan for me and never waivered in that. My story must be told because it is full of Gods glory grace and mercy. My story must be told because you must know that God is with you and you can overcome whatever obstacle is in your way, because I have and I will.
God spoke to me last Sunday before I told my story to my church family. He told me remember. Remember what I have done. Remember what I have told you that I will do. Have no fear I am all you need. I will watch over you. I am your help. I do not change. I am God almighty and I am on your side.
It wasn’t about my story and what I have gone through. It isn’t about me. It is about what God has done and will do with me and through me.
Sense Sunday God has been so stuck to me in a new way. He changed me again on Sunday. He filled me. He reminded me that He chose me. He fought for me. He saved me. He loves me. He loves me more desperately then I have ever been loved or will ever be. His heart breaks for me and with me. He is here, He is with me, He is good, He is faithful, He is now and forever. He is mine, and I am His. Forever, and that will NEVER change no matter how many times I do.
