A couple of months ago I wrote a blog titled “My Race Isn’t Over” in order to announce that I would be going back into the field in the position of a team leader. While this was a fun title for a fun announcement, I think I took the words all too literally. Training camp in and of itself was absolutely incredible this time around, but there was something hard that I had to, and continue to, walk through with the Lord and that is the fact that MY RACE is over.
In my head, and this may not make complete sense to you, as I stepped into this position of leadership so quickly for another squad after being home, I don’t think I realized that the race that I go on with Gap Q won’t be the race I went on with Gap K. I walked into it almost thinking that the next three months would be a continuation of the past nine, but quickly the Lord began to reveal to me that this wasn’t the case. This next season with Gap Q would be different, it would be uncomfortable, it would be hard, and most importantly it would be yet another season of CRAZY and NEW growth.
I quickly realized that in the rush of being home again I hadn’t yet grieved the loss of the last season with Gap K. I hadn’t grieved the fact that I will never again find myself in the situations I was in with the same people. I hadn’t grieved the fact that this time around my team that soon became my sisters wouldn’t be with me. I hadn’t grieved the fact that Esther and Dre, my amazing squad leaders, wouldn’t be walking with me every step of the way. I hadn’t grieved the fact that Gap K would never stand in a room as the same people we were when we finished. I hadn’t grieved the ministries and experiences I left behind. When my gap year finished, I lost a lot and I never took the time to grieve what I had lost, but instead found myself trying to make my next three months in Costa Rica the same as the past nine.
So, as I step into the next month before I leave yet again, I will enter a period of grieving. The past nine months have been incredible, life changing, and a season of so much growth that it is hard to admit that it really is over. It breaks my heart to truly let go, but I just need to realize that the World Race isn’t the end all, be all of my life. The Lord pushed me, and I grew in tremendous ways that I will carry with me forever, but the Lord has even newer and more exciting things in store for my future. I have only lived 19 years of my life and He has moved in such big ways, so I seriously can’t wait to step into the future. First, I just have to let go of the past. Realize that it happened, hold on to the memories and growth, but move forward with the exciting things that the Lord has next rather than continuing to live in the past.
This will be so valuable as I leave and begin a completely NEW journey with a completely NEW squad. It will allow for more and new growth. Although it gives me an anxious kind of excitement, I am glad that the Lord is making me UNCOMFORTABLE once again because it is in this lack of comfort that I will experience the growth He has in store.
Please keep me in your prayers as move forward from the last crazy season with the Lord and right into a new one! Thanks for being my constant source of support through this journey!
