The past few days, maybe weeks who knows it seems in life as we are only humans we need constant uplifting and sometimes we have breakdowns. I like to observe people and reflect on myself as it speaks volumes of a person. Where the truth of us really lies, where the truth of me really lies. As I was lying on my couch listening to the song Fall Afresh because its been my mantra lately I felt a breakdown. I wanted and want to always be washed by the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit but yet I don’t make time for any of that because my schedule is so full. In other words I had free time tonight and I totally spent it binge watching a TV show I like. Even when my schedule is full of bible studies, sermons, volunteering for the greater good it never fills you in the moments in-between. Or you go to a retreat, camp, a conference, a God filled event and your so pumped. To feel on fire and to be flooded with people like-minded but then you leave and things slowly start to fade. You wish you were back in that place and for me I don’t want that to happen. I can’t wait for that or nothing will change as habits will come back. Maybe not right away or maybe not ever but some will. Good habits are nice but bad habits are not. The mind can be such a torturous vice if we allow it to rule. Change happens only if we believe that it will happen and to act on it. I realize I search for people to believe in me. That I want them to believe in me and when I don’t hear or feel like I see that it’s crushing. I know all I need is to believe in God as he believes wholeheartedly in me and how much it crushes him when I don’t believe. How he weeps over my unbelief yet always welcomes me with open arms. It’s time to start believing, time to make a change, and time to not wait on some momentous life change. I know this world mission will change me how can it not, but I also know I can’t wait on it or else on return I will not know what to do with such a momentous life moment. I will believe wholeheartedly in God and the beautiful wreck he will wrought in me as he does day in and day out. Help me with my unbelief Lord and to believe wholeheartedly in you!
P.S.- Tonight I went to Jade’s Cafe which is a lovely little homemade Asian place in Arlington, Texas for dinner. I almost didn’t go but then met up with my Aunt and family friend. At the end of the meal they give thee best fortune cookies I have ever seen and the messages inside have always been so insightful. Tonights message I believe straight from God as it was exactly perfect ‘Never compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do’. Thank you Father! 🙂
