I want to start out by saying that I have absolutely no hard feelings against marriage, or people who are dating/engaged/married. I hope to be all of those things (in that order!) too, someday.
I was talking with my two best friends the other night about relationships. Miranda* is engaged, and Savannah*, like me, is single. When you live in the South, you’re expected to be heading in the direction of marriage at an early age. In fact, it’s more common for an 18 year old to already be married, than for a 23 year old to still be single. One of our texts to each other actually reads, “You end up spending your late teens/early twenties thinking you’re missing something huge. Then mid to late twenties freaking out because you haven’t found someone to spend the next 50-70 years with. It’s insanity.”
Mixing the fact that we’re in our mid-twenties with there being no good, eligible men our age that we know, and it’s safe to bet that a freak out of some sort is on the horizon. This particular night, it was Savannah’s turn to panic. Towards the end of our attempt at soothing her, they both told me I needed to be a motivational speaker about singleness.
While writing a book and going on tour does sound interesting haha, I think it’d be best to start small. Like maybe a blog. With part of my testimony. That includes realizing singleness really is a gift.
See, way back when (just kidding – I’m not that old), when I was 15 my family moved from Kentucky to Alabama. One of the first things we did was go to Big Spring Jam, which is a rather large music festival. One of the bands we got the pleasure of seeing was Barlow Girl. If you know anything about them, sexual purity is kind of their platform. After seeing them, God began to impress upon my heart that I had no business dating and giving my heart to a guy, until I could honestly say I’d given my heart to Him in the fullest.
Cut to almost 9 years later, and, though there have been a handful of dates with miscellaneous guys, I’m still very single. There have been times when I have thoroughly enjoyed it. There have been times when I have hated every blasted second. There have been times when I wanted to throw it all away. And honestly, there have been times I’ve felt forgotten. Until meeting Savannah, I hadn’t met another woman my age with no marriage prospects. And, let me tell you, that’s a lonely feeling.
But as I was talking with her the other night, I realized God has never forgotten me. He didn’t plant the desire for a husband and family in my heart only to turn His back and never give me fulfillment. In fact, He’s done the exact opposite. Nearly a decade ago, He began prepping my heart for the WR.
Part of our commitment to the WR, is vowing not to enter a new relationship until we are back in America in June of 2017, when our Race is over. Of course, if you’re already in a relationship, they don’t make you end it. But seeing as I am so concerned with being forgotten and replaced in my friendships, I highly doubt I could sustain a relationship and still be effective for the Kingdom while I’m gone.
Beyond that, He’s given me time to get to know Him, and figure myself out, before having to figure out another person. I already know realistically what I want in my relationship. I know what are non-negotiables for me, and I know what I can compromise on. There’s no worry about being years into a relationship, discovering I’m a completely different person, and that it needs to end because we suddenly want different things.
“Why add more stress if we don’t have to? Are boys awesome? Yes. But they’re also kinda dumb sometimes. We have time to get ourselves together and be boss. We’ll know what we want and what we can give, realistically. Does it suck not having a boy to come home to? Absolutely, sometimes. But will it be worth it? Yes. The struggle is real, and most people try to convince us it isn’t. I look forward to meeting someone who knows who he is and what he wants and has no fear of chasing after it. Why shouldn’t I be at that same point when I meet him?”
God has brought me to this place where I know that I am not less-than because I’m single. For years I incorrectly thought my life would begin to have meaning when I entered a relationship. But, even single, I am still whole. I am still valuable. I am still loved, and capable of loving. My worth, my ministries, my significance, my happiness and joy; none of this begins when I find a husband – because it is all complete now.
So, if you’re single, please don’t think God is withholding good things from you. He’s not taunting you with something unattainable. I can guarantee He is trying to give you the most amazing gifts, if you’ll learn to shift your focus. Stop looking at what you think you lack. Start looking at the lessons He’s trying to teach you.
If you feel forgotten, betrayed, or even tricked by God over this – tell Him! He already knows anyway, and He’s not so fragile that He’ll break over your honesty. Sometimes, you addressing it is all that’s standing in the way of a blessing. So be mad, and frustrated, and sad, and lonely. Tell your Father God all about it! But leave it with Him after that. Ask Him to open your eyes to the reason for this time of singleness. And learn to be boss! You are a child of God, created for a purpose, and meant to do incredible things! You are complete. You are whole. And, above all, you are loved.
Since I didn’t ask their permission to post about their love lives, or anything else, I changed the names of my two best friends.
Fundraising update: I still need $14,011 total.
BUT: I only lack about $1,500 making my first deadline!!
