While you definitely don’t have to read all the posts in this series, I do recommend that you check them out. It’ll help you understand where my head’s been for the past month or so.
Homeward Bound Part Two: In Abraham’s Steps
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” –Matthew 10:37
“By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice.” –Hebrews 11:17
If you read the last blog, or if you’ve known me for any length of time, you’ve likely been informed that my mom has stage 3 brain cancer. Shortly after being diagnosed, I quit my job to become her caretaker.
Within a few months of her diagnosis, she had multiple doctors to see. Dr. Pickett, her neurosurgeon. Dr. Dang, her chemotherapy oncologist. Dr. E, her radiation oncologist. Dr. Laganke, her neurologist. Dr. Vupalla, her pulmonologist. And, of course, her regular family doctor.
We traveled 1 hour each way, 5 days a week for her radiation treatments. Her chemo was actually a pill taken for 7 days with a 21 day break between each cycle. I remember the first time we only had 3 doctor appointments in a week, we were like excited little school children because we had so much free time.
I got so used to the caretaker role, that when it was time to become the child again, I found it too difficult. The best thing for me, was moving two hours away, and living alone. It was during that year that I was able to rediscover who I am in Christ, as opposed to who I am in relation to my mother.
Yet, throughout my preparations for the World Race, letting her go was my biggest struggle. I cannot tell you how many times God told me “Anyone who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” Though, I do know it was enough times that I pretty much hate that verse now.
One night, many months ago, it all finally came to a head. I decided to get very real with God. He was reminding me of that verse. Asking me to choose Him over my flesh-and-blood family. And with that quiet, scary anger I said, “If you take me away from her, and I miss the last year of her life, I don’t know that I will ever forgive you.”
Ouch. That’s so harsh. Definitely not the way you’re supposed to talk to the King. But thankfully, He’s also my Father, and He’s bigger than my feelings. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago, when I finally confronted all of this and decided to give it away once and for all, that I realized something. Abraham went through something similar.
If you’ve spent much time at all in a church, I’m sure you’ve heard of this account. The one where God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. And Abraham trusted. And he was going to do it. The Bible doesn’t say that he even wavered in his faith. God spoke, Abraham obeyed.
God asked me if He was worth more to me than my mother. And it took months to finally be able to say in all honesty, “Yes. You are worth more. I will choose you. Every. Time.”
“I will not’ he answered. But later he changed his mind and went.” – Matthew 21:29
This story will continue, probably tomorrow, with Part Three: Except When You Don’t. Stay Tuned.
