These two words were part of a “you better check yoself before you wreck yoself” moment this past month.
Before I get too far into this whole thought process I have to thank the church we worked with this path month because of their passion for the Lord He was able to open my eyes to what was going on. The pure untainted desire they had to worship, honor, and glorify God was amazing! The prayer services were especially moving because of just the heart felt cries (literally tears) of these people went up to heaven…I’m not sure if they were praising or pleading but if I’d have to guess I’d say both. They prayed for over an hour with such passion. Some kneeling, some walking back and forth, and some just standing with hands up in complete surrender…wow. Their worship style was amazing too, filled with such passion and desire to glorify the Lord. Plus you got to burn a few calories with all of the intense dancing action haha. Now, on with the cool works of God in my life!
I got to a point where I had to sit and think about why I was doing the things that I was doing or wanted to do in regards to my relationship with God. Things like worship, prayer, quiet times, etc.
I honestly thought to myself “yeah, I had a real desire to know God and praise him like I should everyday…in the beginning”. Somewhere in that growing process I got lazy and off track. I was kinda just doing them because it’s what we did, what I did. I was disciplined enough to keep up the routine. BUT that’s not actually enough…I mean come on, let’s be real. My relationship with God wasn’t going to grow just because I was disciplined enough to make sure I did my quiet time every day and went to church, worship, and prayer services when I was supposed to.
After 9 and a half months into this whole crazy world race thing it was getting easy to go with the motions of missionary life and not put too much behind the actions every time. But where was my desire?
I had to ask the hard question if whether I was doing all those things because I was disciplined or because I had a desire to do it. I was losing focus. Getting tired…of everything haha. But I praise the Lord that He gently pushes me back on my feet and in the right direction with His strength every time I wander a little off that narrow path.
A little before month 9 I was hitting a bit of a dry spell again…you know not really feeling like God was talking with me and that the Bible was confusing and even boring to me at times. So as month 9 began I had to have a serious sit down with God and just talk with Him about what was going on and what I wanted to do about it, and ask for the strength to do it. I asked Him to open my eyes to Him and His plan in new ways, I asked for a renewed passion and desire for His word, and I asked for wisdom and understanding as I jumped back into His word.
Now that I am reflecting on that month I can say that God has been teaching me exactly those things. It’s amazing. God has been refreshing my soul and renewing the desires of my heart. Continually shaping and molding me into the person He designed me to be. Amen to that!
