I could just sit
I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness
Hope to feel Your presence
And I could just stay
I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You
Hope to feel something again
And I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never let You Change me from the inside
And I could be safe
I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home
Never let these walls down
But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where You will lead me Lord
These are the lyrics I was listening to in my car- a place that I’ve spent a lot of time in this summer- the other day after a particularly rough day. I absolutely love my summer ministry job, but the reality is that some days are easy and then some days are really hard. This song came on as I was reflecting on some of the summer, starting to think about the things that are before me in the next couple of weeks, and ironically, the long overdue blog I’d been writing in my head. It was in a moment of praying about digging deeper with God and following his lead, but also a moment filled with some anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.
Over the past couple of months, I have had a lot of great conversations with some sweet souls about the growth that God has done in us over the past few years and the ways in which he continues to line things up. This summer has provided some great opportunities for me to realize and reflect on the ways in which God has grown me and in ways that I can be used by him and how the most pivotal of these have happened when I’ve allowed him to lead me way outside of my comfort zone and experience levels.
These conversations and reflections have led me to thinking a lot about how we react to change and in taking risks. We want something new. We want to dig deeper into our faith. We call out to God to open doors for us and lead the way. But what happens when he opens doors we never thought about? What happens when his opening doors for us results in losing our comfort? What about when it means sacrifice? What happens when it means saying no to our plans, but yes to his?
It’s at these moments that we often freeze. Or at least I do. Too often, we let fear get in the way of what God is calling us to do. We overthink our qualifications. We question our ability. We fear ridicule or the feasibility of whatever it is. We overthink and over question whether or not something is God’s will. We fear to take a step that will make us uncomfortable or possibly end in failure.
When we let these doubts keep us from taking a step of faith, we are hindering what God is able to do in us and through us. These questions all take into consideration “I”.
“There’s no way that I am qualified to do that.”
“What if I fail”
“There’s no way that I can afford that.”
“God can’t use my story.”
“What will people think?”
These questions fail to take into consideration that the Lord is in control. It’s the inability to trust that he can use you and that he will equip you for what he has called you to do.
Over the couple of years, God has opened a lot of doors for me that I’d have laughed at you about if you told me I’d be doing those things 5 years ago. But I am also the queen of overthinking, so I can talk about the whole round of those questions from experience. What I can tell you is this…deciding to take an opportunity that God lays in front of you despite all of those questions and fears in your mind is the best thing that you can do.
Teaching? I can tell you that there were a million questions, fears, and doubts throughout my first few months, and really whole first year of teaching. And there are a lot more as I’m going into my 2nd year responsible for a program and a student teacher. But I can also tell you that working through the fears and trusting the Lord has taught me pivotal lessons, revealed gifts of mine, and opened many more doors than if I’d have stuck with an offer that was comfortable, easy, and I knew I would succeed at. Things don’t go right every day and I can continue to grow, but the Lord has been faithful in this career and I can trust that he will continue to be.
Ministry? 5 years ago I took a leap and allowed the Lord to take me on a 3 month journey in Vietnam. Totally out of my comfort zone, but hands down one of the best decisions I ever could have made and one that has instilled in me a passion for traveling and missions. Three years ago, I stumbled across a summer ministry job on google. Again, out of my comfort zone, but a door that the Lord opened that I once again decided to try. Three years later I’m finishing up my 3rd summer with them in a leadership position. Each summer I can tell you that I questioned my qualifications, was dragged out of my comfort zone, and grew more than I can ever tell you. As a leader, things aren’t always smooth sailing. I’ve said the wrong things, made mistakes, and have missed ministry opportunities. But choosing to not take these opportunities due to fear would have resulted in all of the same things and little growth. God continues to show up in big ways and I’ve been given the privilege to see that across the country and across the globe.
The World Race? I often think about this crazy adventure that I’m about to embark on and laugh. I am no Bible scholar-how do I expect to be a missionary? I’ve never backpacked or really had to rough it…what am I getting into? How can God use me or my story? $17,017?!? I’m on a teacher’s salary with loans to pay off-how in the world is this going to happen? But then I remember that God has called me to do this and that He is the one in control. While I may not be the most eloquent speaker, backpacker, or Bible expert, I will not be walking this journey alone. God will go before me. I have hands that can help and feet that can go and a heart that can love. He has equipped me with gifts that I can use and will continue to show up in big ways in the next year. Trust in him must be bigger than the doubts and fears. Will I fail at some things? Most definitely. But that leaves room for lessons and God to work.
These are just a few of the examples from my last few years. I have often found myself in conversations or opportunities that I have the inadequate tools or experience for. However, God makes up for my inadequacy. He shows up and fills in my holes. He provides the strength and the knowledge. I just have to recognize that and let him do his thing and not try to do everything on my own.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this-don’t let your fears or doubts hold you back from doing what God has called you to do. He loves you and can use you just as you are and will continue to love and use you if you stay there. But if he is calling you to something different or deeper, I urge you to say “yes!” You may feel ill equipped or that he can’t use you or your story. Trust me, he can. He will equip you and provide opportunities for you to grow. He can and wants to use your story and experiences-let him. Will everything be easy? No. Will you fail? Maybe. But just maybe success isn’t always what we make it out to be. Sometimes, the lessons and opportunities are in the mistakes. Trust that the Lord is with you and that he goes before you.
My prayer is this: I want to live a life of adventure. Not necessarily the ones in a thriller movie. But a life full of following the opportunities that God lays out. I don’t want to live a life full of comfort and safety, but little growth. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to notice injustices, have conversations with people different than me, and hear people’s stories. I want to travel and see the ways that God is working across the globe. I want to be challenged and grow. I want to be available to lend a helping hand, a listening ear, or an open heart to whoever I encounter. I want to live the adventure of saying “yes” to God- even when it doesn’t always make sense. Even if it means saying “yes” with a quavering voice and shaking hands.
I challenge you today-do one thing that you have felt God tugging at your heart to do. Big or small. Call that person you had an argument with? Introduce yourself to your neighbor? Take a meal to the homeless man that you pass by on the sidewalk? Whatever it is- start your adventure of saying “yes!”
Living the adventures of “yes” can be scary, unpredictable, and inconvenient. But I can promise you that it will be beautiful, fulfilling, and God will move tremendously. It’s a risk well worth the investment.
Have any stories from your “yes” moments? Share them with me-I’d love to hear them!
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