“We don’t NEED you.”
This is what my team was met with as we met our host for what would be the final month of our race. It may sound harsh, but those words were actually a weight lifted off of us. You see, they went on to say that their ministry functions full time very well on the months that we weren’t there. But that they love to have teams come because they WANT us to partner with them. They want to share what the Lord is doing in them and through their ministry with us. They want to have us be a part of their community and add to what their ministry is doing with our unique stories and gifts. They are happy to have us, pour into us, and work for the Kingdom together, but that there was no pressure or weight on us to make everything happen. It was a month filled with ministry, community like I’ve never seen outside of the race, and God’s goodness.
At the end of that month, I was talking with a friend and we began discussing that this concept took weight and pressure off of us that freed us to rest and minister wherever the Lord had us at the time. She pointed out that this is really what the Lord says to us, but that we often put the pressure on ourselves to orchestrate and make everything happen. He doesn’t need us to do His work, but He invites us in to join Him. We talked and laughed about the correlation and the truth in that for a moment and then went on our way.
Once I got home, that concept is something that came to mind time and time again. Home was a lot of preparation. Preparation to tell loved ones at home about my race and how the Lord changed my life and my heart and to do so in a way that they’d understand. Preparations to rest well, to work part-time, and to see everyone I cared about. Preparations to go back out on the field and what that meant as far as support-raising, and what it’d take to lead a new squad. All of these things were things I started to put pressure on myself to do. Thinking that the only way they would happen is if I made them happen. At the same time, I had a lot of peace because I knew that God had called me and that He’d provide, but knowing and believing that doesn’t mean I never battle the thoughts and lies of that pressure being on me.
Flash forward to training for squad leading. It was here that I met my co-leaders and leadership team. We started to learn more about my role and how to walk with a new squad through this incredible journey. As we went on, lies of fear and doubt crept in and the weight of the role started to hit me. For a moment, I started thinking through the ways that I could fulfill all the parts of my role. How would I ensure solid friendships with my co-leaders? How would I best guide people in the squad to Jesus and be what they need? Jesus is so good, and He met me where I was. He reminded me that first of all, I’m already free from these lies. I was reminded that I was right, I CAN’T do this alone, but that I was never meant to. That I am not needed, but that He WANTS me to partner in what He’s doing around the world. It’s an invitation into what He has for me, not a burden that is mine alone to achieve and perfect. That He’s given me gifts, experiences, a story, and lessons to share. That I’ve been called and equipped as I am, with what I have because that’s what He wanted, there’s no reason to strive. My only job is to walk out what He’s given me and who He’s called me to be in obedience and trust. That I am not needed, but that HE is. I just get to be a vessel used to bring HIM and His Kingdom, because He WANTS me to play a part.
God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
-Sidewalk Prophets
So all that to say, we, as humans, put pressure on ourselves and allow pride to make us think that we have to have it all figured out or carry the weight of what it is that the Lord has called us to do. We don’t. He doesn’t need us to do His work, but He wants us and chooses to use us to do so. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t needed in the Kingdom- because you are. The Lord has given you specific things that He wants you to give away and to glorify Him with. The difference in that is that it’s not about you, it’s about Him. The world doesn’t need you, they need the Jesus in you. We get to be vessels of His love and glorify Him through our obedience in stepping into wherever and whatever He calls us to, but we don’t go alone. He provides what is needed to accomplish the job, we just have to call upon Him, listen, and surrender our control. It doesn’t mean that we won’t fail, because we will. But it means that our failure or success isn’t the end all be all, because the Lord uses them both and will meet us right where we are to brush us off and send us right back out. Whatever the Lord calls you to, don’t let doubts and fears stand in the way, because in the end, it’s not you- it’s Him. Step out and trust that He’ll fulfill His end of the bargain, because He’s never failed yet.
UPDATE: We’ve made it to Africa and I’ve spent my first week here in Diabo, Cote D’voire. It’s been such a good week getting to know the hosts, diving into relationships with the team that I am with, and just seeing the Lord’s goodness and hand in where I am at the moment. I leave this weekend to travel to another team and spend some time with them before our whole squad moves to Ghana. Thanks for all the prayers and support!
Fundraising Update: I am only $2000 away from being fully funded! If you want to partner with me in this way, click the “donate” button up top! So grateful for each of you that have already sacrificed to make this possible.
