Dear Dad,
To the one who left all those years ago
A little girl in her tiny home
A timid child with hopes and dreams
Too quickly ripped at the seams
My world was shattered
Darkness caved
Left alone, scared, unsafe
Unwanted I felt, so unwanted I was
Not just by you, but by myself betrayed
The tears didn’t heal, nor did they come
And my words dried up, by silence, overrun
A grave was dug in my heart’s deep depths
For there you were, but out you stepped
I fought the darkness, no shield, no sword
In vain I tried, with no reward
My mind was my prison, my emotions my guard
For you I’d reached, but you’d gone too far
From a family’s home, to a moving van
You left me there, and there still I stand
An empty hole I quickly became
Stuck in a drought, no sign of rain
I searched for things to fill my heart
None of which quite fit the part
For years I ached, but for none I wept
My worth was gone, my emotions unkept
The calls that came, or rather, didn’t
Were far too little, and lesser minutes
Your return was promised, a vow too fragile
A word soon broken, a lost treasure in battle Now I’ve grown, without a father
And who am I? I’m no one’s daughter
Dear Father,
Who are you?
What are you?
From where have you come, and why can’t I define you?
There’s a piece of my heart I can’t recall feeling
Yet there it is faintly, under pounding and beating
They said I could find you, if I looked hard enough
But try as I might, it was you I never touched
I didn’t think you were there
Because he never was
How could you exist if I never felt loved?
Here we are now, you’re changing me slowly
But quickly I run to fill myself wholly
And holy you are, you’ve gently pursued me
I swam in your love till it was fully consuming
Still my brokenness ached
The darkness I feared
I wallowed in sorrow
And you drew me near
Redemption you spoke
And freely I walked
In pursuit of the father I thought I had lost
Dear Dad,
I see you now
A broken shell of a man
You’ve been there for years
Now I’m reaching my hand
For a shake and a nod
It’s nice to finally meet
This could be something we could possibly keep
I’ll tell about my life and you tell about yours
Two strangers separated by distance no more
Your smile, I’ve missed it, your laugh as well
But they don’t hide your personal hell
You’ve been living in fear of a daughter who hates you
But I’ll tell you a secret
I forgave you
Years ago, I just didn’t know it
Beneath all the hurt and the mess
Of a life that you left
But beneath it all, I guess one thing I couldn’t get rid of
Was the girl with a daddy who she only loved
That turned me to God, the one constant in my life
And that led me to love, to forgive, and to fight
For things that I wanted
Relationships the main one
And that led me to you
Which a part of me came from
So here we are now, starting over I guess
It’s kind of exciting, it’s kind of a mess
But a beautiful mess, unlike the one from before
I’ve grown up now, and I’ve learned to be more
More of myself, who I was made to be
A girl with hopes, and a woman with dreams
I’ve learned to love with a passion and grace
And I’ve learned to be patient beyond time and space
I have a new vision
And my heart has been mended
By someone who can fix yours
If you’ll only let him
So I’m inviting you in, I hope you’ll accept
For the journey ahead, to walk with my step
