this blog is a little different. I had a guest writer, my wonderful mom. I wanted her to write a blog about how her first month went, a different perspective. here it is:
Hello! My name is Stephanie Stubrich. I am fortunate to call Sydney my daughter. She asked me if I would be willing to write a blog about my first month of her World Race. I have to tell you that for my first month to make any sense, I will have to tell about where my heart was about a year ago.
Sydney first mentioned to me that she felt called to go on the World Race last July or so. I told her that I would pray abut her going, but right away, my heart cried, “Nope!” As a matter of fact, I fully anticipated my husband telling her “No” and that would be the end of the story. Imagine my surprise when he agreed to her applying! I started praying that God would close the door. As the weeks went on, my prayers became more fervent to God and I began arguing with Him about the trip. I should know better than to argue with God. He very emphatically told me in my heart, that I could move or be removed. I do not mean that I felt like He was threatening to end my life if I continued in my prayers. I believe that He intended her to go and that I needed to get out of the way and allow her to go with my grace.
Over the last year, I prayed and tried to prepare my heart and mind. I knew that it was going to be hard to let our girl go for such a long time. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to walk away from our hotel in Atlanta and board a plane to leave Sydney, our baby. I kept waiting for her to change her mind. I have spent over 27 years being a mom. It is on one of my most cherished job descriptions! I love all three of our children like crazy! As a matter of fact, I have a habit of “Over Momming” as I call it. My children were on pedestals in my heart and my world centered on them. This is not the correct priority! If you don’t understand why this is wrong, let’s sit down for some coffee and chat.
When my husband and I returned home from Atlanta, I had to return to responsibilities and life. Work, home, church, repeat. My mind and heart kept talking to God. This was hard! I did not want to be done
being needed. I love being a Mom. I did not want that season of my life to end. Over the next days and weeks, God opened my eyes to how I had allowed my life to be colored by my children. Sydney is the bright colors, pink, blue, purples. Sawyer, our only son, is the warm colors- orange, brown, red. Sasha, our oldest daughter, she is the glitter. My husband, too, is represented in the blues and greens that are my favorites. I only colored my life with black, white, and grey. God whispered to me that other people were not supposed to be all of the color in my life. I need to allow them to be present, but not the entirety of life. God needs to be the artist who colors my life, I need to be present in that life, and my family need to be the extra blessings to fill in. This is taking some getting used to.
At launch, Betty Means very wisely told us that we were each on our own journey. That this time of our children being on their journey, would be our own journey as well. Life is meant to be lived. Life is meant to be spent with Him at the center, surrounded by our family and friends. I have been skewed. Oh, I had God IN my life, but He needs to be the center of it. Our children are our blessings and gifts from God, but they are not meant to replace Him. Maybe my journey is to find myself in God in the letting go of my children to walk their own path without me.
When I see the blogs that Sydney puts up, the texts that i receive, my heart bursts with joy! I am blessed by her Race! I am getting to see our daughter step out in her faith and witness God’s touch and His love to those all around the world! He has a plan that is greater than any one of us. His plan included using Sydney to go and be a blessing to people that I will never see. He wanted her to go share smooshy bananas in Africa. How cruel would it have been to keep her from that? How selfish to try to keep her all to myself. God did not keep His only Son close to Him. He allowed Jesus to come to earth, as a human, to later be crucified for my sins. (John 3:16)
My last month has been eventful, in more ways than one. It has been hard: emotionally, spiritually, physically. I have no idea what the future holds or how God plans on changing me. I do look forward to it. I also look forward to continuing to watch God use my children to glorify Him. I plan on cheering them on as I get to know who I am as a mom to all adult children. I also plan on getting to know my handsome husband in a new way. We shall see what God has planned.
thanks for reading:) and thank you mom for writing a blog!
