“Baby steps my child, to you it may be nothing but you make daddy proud. Your weakness is only my strength, i hear your questions and I’m closer than you think” – sweet song.
Here I am exactly one year later, talking about vulnerability. The Lord did a work in me last October in the Philippines introducing me to vulnerability, I thought it was nuts and actually I talk about it on one of my very first blog post. When i say nuts i mean it scared the absolute crap out of me but i wanted it. I know it was something I craved but the thought of putting my heart on the table and letting people in on things I didn’t even want to think about was not a vibe for me hahaha. It made no sense to me, “why?” I thought, “what’s the point?”. I remember sitting in the back of a truck in the Philippines with my squad leader Alex Kirby, this guy kept asking me the most intentional questions and wanted in on my life… IT MADE ME SO UNCOMFEEEEYY HA. I had 19493 walls up and I didn’t like the thought of someone knowing me deeper because i thought my imperfection would run them away. I’d rather just joke and laugh with someone and never let them in on anything. This only let my relationships touch the surface level and I always found myself feeling like i was “ alone in this world” haha emo girl, BECAUSE i would never let anyone in. Haha me and Alex laughed about this moment a couple of weeks ago. The Lord has been so kind in growing me since that day.
Let me give you some background… While growing up I had parents that loved me SO MUCH. The things my mom would do as a single mom to provide for us is something I’m still in awe of today. My dad, my bestie, he loves me a lot and I love him a lot. I had a lot of LOVE but what I lacked was vulnerability. There is a big difference. Both are so important in regards to living a emotionally and spiritually healthy life. I think fear stoped my family from acting out in vulnerability. But cool thing: fear is absolutely garbage when you have Jesus.
A definition my squad mentor Fran gave me: vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat.
This is because the battle has already been won you are LOVED by the lord. That’s the end and be all of everything. Vulnerability doesn’t mean brining everything to someone and saying “fix me” it means acknowledging where you are weak and realizing that’s where the Lord is STRONG. It’s about getting together with your friends and family and communicating and coming to an agreement. It’s not an embarrassment and should not bring shame to not be able to do it alone. that’s why we have FRIST God, and second community. And let me be clear God doesn’t need any help, you can just be dependent on Him and he will satisfy your soul, but those times when we are feeling down and a little off spiritually that’s where God’s gift of community comes in. LET YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN. HUMBLE YOURSELF. We are not dependent on each other (we are dependent on God) but we do need each other. Humanity is beautiful when we are all in it together. God created us to be in a relationship with Him and others. Fear of vulnerability will no longer intimidate us, because we see how we bloom like the prettiest flower when we lean into it. We come alive.
And when you are vulnerable, you gain INTIMACY in your relationships. This intimacy is what we all crave, we first crave it from our Father God, and secondly we crave it in every relationship we have. Sometimes we will search for this in a tainted way though physical intimacy and getting drunk/ ( bleeped up) to reach this connection with others. But you GUYS don’t you realize these ways are not the REAL thing. Ah, they are such a fake version /: We’re all craving to be fully known, we are WAITING for the day to be in a room full of people and not feel like we are alone. The lie that the devil keeps telling us is that no one cares to know, or that it is lame and not a big deal, this is how he pushes us into this state of isolation. Jesus wants us to SOAR like birds in freedom. Another definition FREEDOM: the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved to the power of self discrimination.
So I don’t know if you are familiar with Trippy Redd (he’s a rapper) if you don’t know haha. Well, I was on FaceTime with my sister yesterday and I had a friend that was sitting next to me while i was on the phone and my friend said “does Trippy Redd have a new album” and my sister hearing her immediately said “I LOVE TRIPPY REDD” and i was like “ oh yea he’s dope, it makes me sad because he’s so depressed” and my sister goes “ that’s what makes his music so good”. And everything CLICKED. Of COUSE, that’s why everyone loves him and this new genre of emo rap because they are vulnerable as hell. People are craving this vulnerability in their relationships, and when they don’t get it they run to this music. It is attractive to their soul because of this. The thing that crushes me is Trippy is leading vulnerability… that’s DOPE… but he’s doing it in a way where it gives honor to the devil.
This should motivate us as a Christian community to be even more vulnerable, because right after we express our vulnerability to whoever we have the wisdom and authority to lay hands on our bothers and sister and pray for them. Giving honor to where it’s due… Jesus. We have something that no one else does and that’s HOPE that “who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6 and that “He will never leave us or forsake us” Deuteronomy 31:6.
Let’s rise up Jesus lovers!
I don’t know about you guys but I am done with pretending. I want the real thing. I’m all about “leaning in” if it brings glory to the kingdom. And we’d all be kidding if we said we didn’t want it.
I say this to motivate and to inspire. Because it’s HARD. Vulnerability feels awkward and all types of wrong in the beginning but I’m telling you it’s worth it.
I luv y’all, I’m learning so much. I still have $2,000 left to raise for this incredible journey. If you’d like to parter with me that would be cool, if not that’s cool too just one thing I want to be sure you are doing, is praying for me hahaha. ~the power of prayer~ ah it gets me every time. Oh also drop a prayer for Trippy Redd too. He is just as much of a son of god as you are. We are all learning and growing.
Thanks for reading. PEACE AND LOVE.
