I want to share something with the world GOD IS COOL.
Fun ~pre-blog~ story
When I was in the Philippines God did the sweetest and silliest thing. One day while I was sitting on the side of the street waiting for some of the street kids to get out of school. While chilling, I prayed that God would give me a baby hair curl that would be there when I had my hair up (LOL @ me) but I did do this. Two days later we are on the bus and one of my teammates said “Sydney what is up with this perfect ringlet curl you have” and touches one of my baby hairs. I freaked, and said “GUYS I PRAYED FOR THAT CURL.” Every day since then I have had this curl I prayed for about two months ago. Even little not so important things like that, God hears you, all things, He cares so much, He loves more than you could ever imagine. God values your thoughts, dreams, and desires. I look at this curl as a symbol of His character, His love, and Him meeting me right where I am always. He loves me in my most silliest times, and my most serious times.
Now to my blog,
A word I didn’t realize I really disliked, Vulnerability. If you asked me two weeks ago if I was a vulnerable person I’d be like “yeah sure” This was until my whole squad had a night where we went around sharing vulnerable things and I blanked. When it was my time to share, I shared how feelings had always been a negative thing to me. This had just been a part of what I experienced when I was growing up. I had witnessed people being told that their feelings were too much, and experienced myself, my feelings being shut down. So, from a pretty young age there was nothing positive about emotions to me. It was just known to me that you should just keep them to yourself because they “led to malfunction.” So naturally, I made myself numb to all emotions, good and bad. It was like I was riding on this median; I was so scared to go any lower that I never allowed myself to experience anything higher. For example, if anyone was to say anything nice to me I never felt much. On the other side of things, if someone said anything hurtful to me I never acknowledged if it hurt. It’s like I was protecting this median I was riding on where things were “always good.” By not being honest with myself about my feelings, I thought “ah Jesus won’t really see these either because they don’t really matter all that much.”
Picture me and Jesus pushing all my emotions under the rug. Lol
This is what I thought reality was, daaanng I was wrong. I realized, when I tell Jesus what I’m feeling and how I’m doing I can accept His love and grace more fully. My heart has received revelation knowing humility and vulnerability are not the enemy but they are the way to life. I had done my best to overcome weaknesses and avoid vulnerability, but I couldn’t. God has ordained that, through life-experience and genetics, we are limited, broken, weak. Paul asked that God would take his weakness away, but God said no. Which means, we should stop praying against the weakness and accept it as God’s design for our humility and the glory of Christ.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Guys- I’ve been so scared to mess up because I didn’t t want to show my weakness, because weakness= bad to me, SO I AVOID BEING VULNERABLE. Now with the truth of living in grace, when I mess up I CAN MAGNIFY the power of Christ. Therefore, I am choosing to be vulnerable and choosing to wear humility. To show how accepting Jesus is, and how he can redeem my weakness and make something so cool out of it. God also loves this posture of my heart, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17 also, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3. God is drawn to the state of a broken heart. He can do so much more with a broken heart, because brokenness is the fullness of teaching ability. To be blessed is to be broken, a broken vessel that God can use for such beautiful things. The wonder of knowing God and knowing He can make something out of my mess, SO GOOD.
I am returning to that place where I meet God and received the free gift of salvation. When I had nothing, and felt so broken, when I had no hope, the moment God moved in my heart, that cry to Him that saved me. So, I celebrate that place I began and I return to it all the days of my life, not forgetting the joys of my salvation. So, I humble myself, Im choose to stay in that place of humility with God as He chooses to exult me according to His pleasure and His will.
Pride tells you, you cannot be loved by God.
Humility, gives you no way to argue Gods love for you.
Thanks for reading!
“Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool.Where, then, is a house that you could build for Me?And where will My resting place be?For all these things My hand has made,So all these things came into being by and for Me,” declares the Lord.But to this one I will look graciously,To him who is humble and contrite in spirit, and who reverently trembles at My word and honors My commands.”
Isaiah 66:1-2 (AMP)
