Month one was really one for the books. Leading looked a lot different then I thought it would be. I thought I would be pouring and pouring into the people around me and only giving what I’ve received. But that’s not all the Lord had for me.
The Lord ended up bringing up a lot of my past and the decisions I had made and than showing me I have healed and have forgiven people but that I hadn’t fully forgiven myself. So then I started the process. This process looked a lot like spending time just asking the Lord what was around my heart that I had put there because of something I didn’t fully trust him with. It looked like asking him specifically how to tear those walls down and to just live with an open heart all the time. I think the lord is funny and is definitely a jokester with the things he does. He told me in this I won’t be fully “okay” now that I know but I am aware and I know where my faults lie he told me it’s a process and that I don’t need to be fearful of that. I know where I need to grow and where I need to make sure I’m letting him lead and not myself or my flesh.
None of this has been easy, it has been pretty difficult honestly but also super freeing and full of grace and love and simply learning more and more of the Fathers love for me.
On the good end of things my team is awesome, I learn so much from them everyday and I’m learning they are my ministry. My ministry isn’t necessary going out and doing all the things but making sure they are okay, making sure they are leaning on the Father and not me. It looks like saying the hard things even if it makes everyone a little uncomfortable. These girls are hungry to grow and learn. They love each other so well and just have a sense of peace about them.
I’m so excited for what the next month and a half will look like! Prayers you can be praying for us for is for always more of the fathers love and peace over us and the squad and that we would just be willing to do what he is saying.
Thank you! JESUS LOVES YOU!
-Syd
