This past week, Squad A (who are staying in Jeffery’s bay) and Squad B met up in Pretoria to spend a few days swapping stories and encouraging each other! While this is amazing opportunity for life for the kingdom, it also created space for a jealousy to take a hold on the weekend. I knew that I had to be super prayerful coming in, because coming to Swazi shattered a lot of my expectations. I imagined World Race to be full of adventure; jumping off cliffs and getting tattoos every weekend. Never did I think that the closest thing to me would be a gas station that it would take an hour to walk to. While my expectations were crushed, it left room for my heart to fall in love with the slow pace of life and focus on ministry. While being prayerful about awakening not only let jealousy not enter my thoughts, it also let the Lord pour into me the beautiful things He carved out for me in month 1. Here are some of my journal entries to God of how Jesus has moved so many ways.
You chose me
Jesus, how can I explain how crazy it is that you chose me? Not only that you chose me as an innocent baby, but you choose me everyday as a sinful woman? You are intentional in the way you love me. What I used to crave in friendships, God, for someone to see the little things and love me with small actions. You do that Lord. When the breeze hits my Eno and I look out that see a sky that sparkles. When I stare into a Swazi babies eyes and see my image reflecting back. Jesus, is that how you feel when you look at us? Right now I am sitting underneath a tree which is dropping beautiful yellow flowers on my paper. In my old life, I thought I saw the beauty in ordinary life, but my life was consumed with distractions and darkness. But now since I can’t live a day without standing in your presence my life is overflowing with your beauty. God, you chose me to live in your light. 1 Thessalonians 5:5 – “For you are all children of light and children of the day.” People back home may say I’m a dreamer, my youth and lack of heartbreak makes me naive. But God, you chose me to see brokenness. You chose me to have a story that shows my strength. You chose me to feel the pains of people who refuse to walk in vulnerability. And I still see the world as this magical place where you live among your people. You’re teaching me to look at the world like you do. Thank you father, for I do not deserve such a gift. I am a child of the light when I am with you Jesus. God, how could I not love you? I see you when I sit in a Kumbi with strangers and look outside at the road I drive everyday and find more beauty in it than the day before. I love you, thank you for loving me more.
Lord You See Me
How can I not love you? When I need variety, you give me a change of pace. When I need to feel seen, you give me a role that you carved out for me. God, how could I not be devoted? Jesus, you called me out to Africa to simply show me more of you. You called me on the World Race so I could find the community I always longed for. You called me to Nsoko to find fellowship with high schoolers. You called me to Maba 2 to fall in love with little kids I miss so much my heart could burst. God, when the road gets too hard you provide a rest stop with real coffee and rhinos. You brought me to South Africa to see you in the flowers and finally have grass to lay on. God, how could I not give my life to you when you are so thoughtful? My life has never been better, harder, or more magical. Thank you for pushing me and loving me so much. How can you love me so much? I am so treasured. I love you.
