1. how to love the hard to love
in costa rica, my ministry was working at this place in the slums with kids of nicaraguan refugees. this was not an easy ministry whatsoever. the kids were awful and exhausting, but i saw a need in their lives that they didn’t get at home and, though it took A LOT and until the last 3 weeks, i learned to just love them even when they were being horrible. it wasn’t about me or how i felt about them, it was about them and how they needed me to just be there and show them Jesus by loving them.
2. how to trust Him
i didn’t really know that i had trust issues until i got on the race and, to be honest, i didn’t realize this until about two weeks ago. i don’t know why i have trust issues, i honestly thought i trusted others too easily. when i left home for the race, i had to learn to trust the Lord to watch over my family and friends, especially bailey. she’s my person, if anything were to happen to her or someone were to do her wrong, i’m not there to fight for her or to just tell her everything’s gonna be okay. (and sure, i can over the phone, but y’all know it’s not the same).
now, in this season, i’m having to trust Him to take care of my dad with his illness, and the doctors, and the this and that. it’s scary, but i’m getting there.
and finally…
3. how to be loved
i don’t struggle with this at home. i know i’m loved. i have a bomb fam who loves me and supports me in everything/anything that i do and is constantly encouraging me. so shoutout to the East/Williams/Cathey/Mungoli/the rest of y’all (so many) clan. y’all are pretty dagum amazing. but, on the real… i’ve had to learn how to be loved in these last however many months i’ve been on this trip. this particular thing is much harder than it sounds and i truly don’t think anyone can understand this until they live with 30+ people for this long. i’m gonna be blunt. 99.9% of the time, it really sucks, especially towards the end because you’re all struggling with the same crap (wanting to get the heck out of here and away from these people) and you just want to kick and scream and tell everyone off because “they don’t understand.” OOOOOOHHHHHHHH, but they do. they so do. 1st generation Gap R squad, i know y’all understand me. i’ve had to learn that even when everyone has their own ish and junk, they still want to – let me say that a little louder for the people in the back, WANT TO– love, care for, and be there for me no matter what they might be going through or what they might need. this squad (these people that i call my family, these people that i may wanna scream at or throw something at or ignore or run away from or cuss at or never see again SOMETIMES) has taught me more about myself and more about what true love looks like. they’ve taught me that there are things worth fighting for, including myself because i’m worthy of that.
so, that being said,
thanks Gap R for being pretty cool. love y’all a lot.
