So, in my pre-Race mindset, the hard parts about a mission trip might have included the following: missing my family and loved ones, language barriers, and maybe some funky food every now and then.
What are the actual hardest parts? For me, it’s relationships, physical and spiritual exhaustion, and coming face to face with my own sin and brokenness.
As long as I’m being honest, I’ll admit that Vietnam is probably going to be at the bottom of my list of the countries we’ve been to. Why? It’s a long story, but I’ll sum it up by saying that our ministry contacts fell through more than once, we had to pack up and move locations three different times, and my team and I experienced some major spiritual warfare throughout the month we were there.
Conclusions? God is still good.
Even though it was a rough month, and even though I have zero desire to return to Vietnam, what the Lord showed me is that He is still faithful. He is always faithful.
“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.” -2 Thessalonians 3:3
And He is faithful. And He does guard me against the evil one. Even when Satan tries his darndest to hit me right where it hurts. When he knocks down my defenses and strips me bare, leaving me feeling vulnerable and terrified, God is still there.
I had a trying couple of weeks at then end of our month in Cambodia, where I experienced some pretty intense homesickness. I thought I was fine. I thought I was strong and invincible. Me? Homesick? Never. I’m too strong for that. Or so I thought. And then it hit me like a freight train. How was I going to get through six more months of the Race when I all wanted was to be home thatvery instant??
But again, God was faithful. In my weakest moments, I cried out to Abba, Father for help. I needed His joy. I needed his strength. Desperately.
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” –Psalm 51:12
“…do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” –Nehemiah 8:10
And, lo and behold, God answered. He filled me up with such joy, such strength. I remember riding on the back of a motorbike through the insane traffic of Ho Chi Minh City, and not being able to contain my smile and my laughter. I wanted to scream, "God is SO GOOD!" Even when I was beaten up spiritually & emotionally, He still blessed me. He blessed me with His Presence so close it was almost tangible. He blessed me with opportunities to teach and meet sweet new Vietnamese friends. He blessed me with laughter and a renewed spirit and energy for the mission field.
The joy and strength that I asked for was mine. And it was right in time for a major spiritual attack. And I was knocked to my knees for a moment, but because of the Lord’s strength, I was able to rise again and keep fighting.
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed…” -1 Corinthians 4:8
So, I don’t want there to be any confusion. I may post pictures of water parks, skating rinks, and precious children. But, believe me, the mission field is far from being all fun and games. This year God has taken me on a journey over some of the highest mountains and also some of the lowest valleys I’ve ever experienced. The biggest lesson I’m learning (and re-learning and re-learning…) is that I am one broken human being. Time and time again, the Lord has shown me the depths of my self-centeredness. I can’t love others and still love myself more. I can’t serve my God and still serve myself more. It’s probably a lesson I’ll continue to learn my whole life.
All of these things have made me realize that suffering, discomfort, and spiritual warfare are a real part of being on the mission field. But God asks each of us,
Are we going to embrace our comforts, or are we going to embrace the Cross?
Will we live for pleasure in this world, or paradise in the World to come?
Ultimately, I can trust that God is sovereign in my trials. Through them I am growing more into His likeness. I am learning to trust in His wisdom. I am learning to rely on Him in a whole new way. I am learning to live for His reward. (James 1)
Ultimately, I can trust in His goodness:
His goodness is unchanging.
His goodness is undeserved.
His goodness is unending.
Will you trust that too?
*Side note* We are safe in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia! Working with an Tabernacle of Glory church helping with their children's ministry, painting the new church building, and performing fantastic vocal compositions with the "Wellspring Band" on Sunday mornings. More details to come!
