The State of My Heart… and update

Dear Friends and Family,

I never quite know how to start these letters…

In a month (June 16^th), I will be leaving to begin the World Race.  In a month, I will have to say goodbye to the people that I love… again.  Sometimes I am cut to the core as I realize the brutal reality of the life God is beckoning me to.  It’s hard.  I feel like it should get easier, considering this leaving thing is becoming a regular occurrence in my life, but the fact is, it’s just not. Sometimes I think it gets harder. My heart gets more and more spread out; I experience more brokenness and darkness than I will ever know how to express. I can’t help but ask at times, is it worth it? Why do I go?

I have walked through, and sat in, hell with people.

I have seen souls and self-images destroyed by the thoughtless comments of others.

I have seen the ache of loneliness eat away at people’s humanity.

I have felt the animosity of apathy.

I have seen the effects seething racism and its dark infectious grasp.

I have seen the destructive consequences of hatred.

I have held the naked.

I have lived among the forgotten.

I have seen children dying of starvation, while my belly is full of abundance.

I have stared into the cold, weary, and hopeless eyes of unfathomable and inescapable poverty.

I have had my life threatened and been caught in the brutality of violence.

I have held young boys who were too high to move, as they were stepped over by crowds who didn’t care.

I have exchanged hopeless glances with girls who were driven away to sell their bodies and have their innocence stolen.

I have seen diseases eat away at those made in the image of God.
I have sat with the dying; both those who are physically dying and those whose spirit was dying.

I have experienced the deaths of over 11 beautiful individuals and close friends.

I have sat through, and partaken in, the wailing that comes from deep sorrow.

I have lingered in the despair of the brokenhearted.

And I am weary and scared. I feel like my heart has been so broken; I wonder how much more it can take. But then I remember a quote from Mother Teresa: I have found a paradox: if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. 

It all comes back to love. I know that I serve a God of redemption, and my God will restore – He is restoring – both my broken heart and the brokenness of this world.

And…it is worth it. It’s worth it because, in the darkest of places, I’ve seen the most light. I’ve been allowed to experienced hope, freedom, love, grace and peace in ways I never could have imagined. I’ve seen Him work in places where others would say He couldn’t possibly be.

I have seen love abound and break down barriers.

I have experienced Jesus in the most unexpected places.

I have seen the power of pursuit.

I have heard hymns of praise joyfully sung by those who could be viewed as crushed.

I have been healed by the laughter of orphans.

I have watched as once apathetic hearts were stirred towards zealous action.

I have rejoiced with people who, having spent years in bondage, were set free for good.

I have seen people healed, both physically and spiritually.

I have experienced endless grace, and have been allowed to share that grace with others.

I have seen the redemption that is available to the oppressed… and to the oppressor.

I have been a part of amazing moments, when those who have been unloved realize, for the first time, how very loved they truly are.

I have learned that love break down barriers; and have seen proof that love is stronger than hatred.

I have been allowed the privilege of watching as broken lives, and a broken world, are slowly, piece by piece, put back together again.

I have felt loneliness eased when a small, dark hand reached up to grasp my white hand.

I have seen truth dawn in the darkest of places.

I have seen His kingdom come.

I have been reminded that life is more powerful than the grave, ALWAYS,

that mercy triumphs over judgment, ALWAYS,

hope is brighter than despair, ALWAYS,

that love overcomes hatred, ALWAYS,

and that grass can truly pierce through concrete.

It’s worth it. Though I am small, He is not. Though I grow weak and weary, He does not. So, as I once again prepare to go, I anxiously anticipate the Kingdom come.  I wait in aching expectation to see light flood the darkness, hope abound for the hopeless; to see love, straight from the Holy Spirit, consume the world.

So here I am: raw, broken… full of hope. My eyes have seen the beauty of what God can do, and that is worth it.  It is real, this living hope, freedom is possible. I have seen it.

I desperately ask that you would please be praying for me, my team, and the people we will meet. Please pray that our hearts would be rooted in Him and that we would be a team that is unified and devoted to following the Spirit. Please pray for our finances –  that all of our funding would be in our accounts by the time we leave, so our minds can be fully focused. Pray that our hearts would be stirred to love everyone we encounter and that we would miss no opportunity to love with the love of Christ.

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant. You are all such an encouragement in my life. I wish I had words to convey the immense blessing that each of you are.

Grace & Peace,

Sydney Sample

Oops… I almost forgot. A HUGE “thanks” to all of you who have so graciously supported me. I hate the whole money part, but… so far, I have raised $9039.00 of the $14,300.00 needed. I am still in need of $5261.00. If you could also pray for the financial aspect of this journey God has me on that would be awesome. If you are interested in supporting me (awkward!) please go to: sydneysample.myadventures.org for information on how to do so.