Back in January of 2012 I found a church that I love (Athens Church), and I joined a small group. I was blessed with an incredible leader/mentor/friend. She is one of the godliest, and yet realistic, people I have ever met and she inspired me (and still does) to grow in my relationship with Christ. At one point that semester I met with her for coffee and asked her why she chose to do foreign missions for a few years after school instead of finding her future within the United States. I was curious, because I had been feeling such a “high” in my relationship with God that suddenly my plans of being a high school teacher didn’t feel like they were enough for Him. I know that seems strange because being a teacher allows for so many opportunities to love on young people the way Christ would – even without mentioning the name Jesus. I always thought being a teacher could be a great ministry, but in my heart I suddenly doubted whether it was enough for my life. Whether it was enough for God. She encouraged me to find a short term mission trip and go as soon as I could to see how I felt about it. I had never been on a foreign mission trip (or any mission trip, for that matter) before so I wasn’t sure where to begin. So, I did what anyone in my generation would do: I googled it. “Mission trips for college students.” Of course the World Race popped up. I went to the website, saw that it was 11 months long and thought “Wow, that’d be tough but it must be pretty cool.” Then I saw it cost $16,000 and I thought “NO, THANK YOU!” I left the website and didn’t think about it again.
Long story short, less than a year later I (along with my older sister and a great group of strangers/new friends) headed to Bohoc, Haiti to serve the children for a week long VBS camp. I immediately fell in love with the community: the children, the citizens, the culture, everything! I loved it. I was praying fervently that if this was where my life was leading me, God would make it incredibly clear. While there, I met a girl who had been on two mission trips to the community before, but had recently moved to Bohoc indefinitely. She wasn’t sure when she’d be returning home. I desired a life like hers but I wasn’t “feeling it.” My mission trip leader told me that if I was meant to end up in that community, I would know it. That I would feel the calling in my heart and be unable to ignore it. (For some reason, I took the absence of that feeling to mean that I wasn’t meant to be a missionary. When in reality, it only meant that maybe I wasn’t meant to be in that place.) It was with a heavy heart that I left Haiti, and to this day when I think about the community, a sense of longing to be back there fills me. But I have peace about knowing it’s not where I’m meant to be long term. At least for now 🙂
So I came back to Athens, graduated from college, and then (after some praying and hard decisions) I decided to start grad school for math education. In the mean time, my relationship with God continued to grow. I started (although not regularly) journaling, and I found a devotional site called She Reads Truth (shereadstruth.com – they’re great). In October of 2013, the website launched a study on the book of James. I started reading it and found things like “Be doers of the word, and not hearers only” (James 1:22). At the same time, I had started reading Francis Chan’s book “Crazy Love.” I felt the same ache in my heart that I had more than a year ago. Was God calling me to do more with my life? Was I meant, was I created, to do more with my life than teach math to high school students? But that wasn’t all I wanted to do. I wanted to coach, I wanted to lead a small group. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to reach out and teach people about the love of Jesus, so why did it not feel good enough? On October 23, 2013 I went to the Passion: Let the Future Begin Tour and during worship time I had this … experience? I was suddenly overwhelmed by what could only have been the voice of God, and he said “Follow me.” And that was it. I felt like it should have been followed with a destination. Like “follow me to ______.” But no, I didn’t get that.
Feeling very conflicted, I went to the girls in my small group. I told them that I felt God was moving in my heart, and that it was causing me to feel very uneasy. I told them I wasn’t sure what was happening, but that I just felt like God was calling me to do more. To give more of my life. But I didn’t know how. Then this girl (now a wonderful friend – shout out to Susan!) pipes up and says “Oh this sounds like what one of my friends from home felt like at some point. Then he went on the World Race.” The World Race? Hey! I’ve heard of that. Wasn’t that the website I strolled across almost 2 years ago and decided was a ludicrous idea? She told me her friends name and said I should check out his blog. So I did.
HOURS later, after reading stories upon stories of how this guy has spent the past 10 months serving the “least of these” I sat down to do my devotional from She Reads Truth. The passages for today?
“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (James 1:27)
“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.” (Deuteronomy 10:18)
“But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish.” (Psalms 9:18).
And I thought…. “Crap.”
I knew in my heart then that God was calling me on this journey. But that wasn’t going to stop me from arguing. I cried, I pleaded with God. For days! Take this desire away from me. Yes, it seems like an awesome experience! Yes, I think I would love it! But no, God! No! I don’t want to leave my family, my swimmers, or my dog for 11 months. How would I ever get the money? Sell my car? Absolutely not. I love my car. Want to know what I read in “Crazy Love” not even an hour after trying to make that argument with God?
“We say to the Creator of all this magnitude and majesty, ‘Well, I’m not sure You are worth it… You see, I really like my car…’”
The passage goes on to list other things, but I mean, REALLY? A few days later I sat down with my parents and had a conversation with them about it. It was the first they were hearing about the doubts I was having about my future, and the first they were hearing about the World Race. Before the conversation, I had prayed that if my parents gave their support, I would have the faith to apply and go. And if my parents didn’t approve, that I would have the confidence to follow God if I still felt led to go. I expected my mom to be quiet, and my dad to voice his reasons for not wanting me to go. “But what about school? Don’t you want to be a teacher? When are you going to start your career? How are you going to get the money? This can’t possibly be safe! Etc..” My parents’ reactions were better than I could have imagined. My mom actually asked more questions than I thought she would. My dad did mention his concerns about safety, but never once asked about what this meant for my teaching career, or whether or not he had wasted all that money on my college education. My mom seemed nervous, but excited. And then the best thing that I could have imagined happened as my dad said “Well we can talk more about this tomorrow, but I’m very proud of you for trusting your life with God. And… I think you’d be really great at this, Sydney.” Even though I told them I’d continue praying about it, I think it was in that moment that I decided I was going to apply. The next morning both of my parents assured me that they would support me on this, and they were happy that I was following God.
After talking with my parents, they helped me see the logic in waiting until the January 2015 routes were posted to apply. That way I can finish my last semester of grad school this summer, and then have the fall semester to raise money and focus on preparing for the race. Months have passed, and although from time to time I have doubted whether or not I should do this, God always gives me reasons to go.
This January, two years after I walked into Passion 2012 broken and dying, I came to Passion 2014 looking for the reassurance that God was leading me in the right direction. It was Louie’s opening message in 2012 that spoke to me, and it was his closing message in 2014 that gave me the words I was waiting to hear as he preached on the verse
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
(Isaiah 6:8)
Louie told all of the 40,000 college students in attendance that we didn’t need a calling or a conference to share the word of God. But that we are qualified to proclaim the Word of God because we are possessions of God. And that was all the reassurance I needed.
