It feels surreal being at launch. I’ve read racers’ blogs for almost a year now, and almost looked at their life with awe. Like a little child hearing the best story ever and thinking, “Tell me more! Tell me more!” I thought when I packed my bag and headed out the door of my home I would feel like I was officially a “world racer.” When that didn’t happen I thought I’d feel it when I checked into the hotel for launch. But then I saw all these people with guitars, dreadlocks, and Chaco’s. And I thought, those people look like world racers – not me.
The first day of launch came and went, and I still didn’t feel like a current “world racer.” I felt like a future racer, sure. But I didn’t feel like I thought I should feel at launch. I started wondering when I would “fit in.” When would I finally be that person who has some potential future racer pouring over her blogs, reading her amazing stories about all the incredible things God is using her for, and changing the world like all racers obviously do?
Without bringing this up to my team, Brad (our team leader) spoke insight into the issue when he said during dinner on the second night that we get to define what kind of world race team we want to be. The World Race is an incredible program. AIM is an incredible organization. But neither the WR nor AIM defines what this team will be. In contrast, we get to decide what the World Race will be because we are now representatives of it.
In extension, neither the WR nor AIM will define what kind of racer I will be. I had this idea in my head of what a “racer” should look like, sound like, be like. And I thought I’d magically become that the moment I became a racer – which in my mind should have been the moment I showed up to launch. When that didn’t happen, I started to question whether or not I was a true racer.
Well I fly out today. This evening I step onto the plane and leave everything I know behind. It doesn’t really matter if I feel like a racer or not… I am a racer now. And I get to decide what kind of racer I will be. Maybe I’ll never be an avid Chaco wearer. Maybe I won’t learn to play the guitar. Maybe I won’t write the blogs that will be featured. Maybe I won’t have amazing, miraculous stories to tell. But I guess that’s not what being a racer is about.
I have romanticized what a racer is / should be. When really, we are all racers. We are all children of God and have the authority to do incredible things here on earth. We have the power, through Christ, to bring the kingdom here to earth.
So for the next 11 months, I choose to be open to growth and change. But I also choose to be the racer that loves her tie-dye t-shirts and tennis shoes. I choose to be the racer that is passionate about teaching and learning. I choose to be the racer that cries more than she should and laughs louder than most. For the next 11 months, I choose to be me – because that’s who God created me to be.
My name is Sydney, and I’m now a world racer.
