Time.
It’s a weird concept.
Some times, days and weeks and months go so fast. You find yourself running out of time, wanting to see and do so much more than the 24 hours a day allows you to. You find yourself trying to cram homework, and jobs, and dinner dates and movies and errands hour after hour. Suddenly, you come to the end of a time period and think, “Well, where did the time go? That was quick.”
Then, some times, it all goes so slow. You find yourself checking the clock, looking at the calendar, making countdowns- waiting, and wishing and hoping that the day you have been waiting for will magically be soon. You find everything to be just mundane, because the time is going on and on and on and you’re just looking so forward to that next season of life.
But at the end of it all, no matter how it feels- time passes just the same as it did today, yesterday and forever.
Since being on the race, I’ve learned a lot about time.
There has been plenty of moments where I looked around at the places I am at and thought, “Wow! This is incredible! I never want this to end! I love this! I wish I could be here with these people forever!”
And then, there has been moments where I looked around at the places I have been and thought, “This is hard. This is tough. This is gross. I want to get out of here. I want to go home.”
I am not going to lie, countdowns were a huge part of my every day life. Countdowns of the next time I got to see my squad, countdowns until holidays, countdowns until I got to see my parents, countdowns until I even got to go home.
It was never that I wanted to go home. It was never that I wished that the race would just end. It was never that I completely hated my life and just wanted to quit. It was just the anticipation of what was next- the next ministry location, the next country, the next month and really, the closer to home. The unknown of what was to come was just so exciting and thrilling to me, I wanted to jump into those moments.
But, here I am. Home is on the brink, with just under two months to go.
The last few weeks have been slow. Ministry has been slow. Being stuck on an island with no where close to go has just made every day life slow. It’s all been slow. And with home just right around the corner, it’s hard not to think “Hey, it’s done. This is all done. Move on. Move forward.”
Cause the truth is, it’s not done. There is plenty of time to go. Plenty of lessons to be learned, plenty of laughs to be had, and plenty of memories to be made.
Why would I want to miss out on that?
I have been thinking a lot lately about time.
Certain things, and memories and events that I am having now, will take me back to a previous moment in my life. Moments that I thought were simple and almost meaningless, I think about and question myself and think: “Did I really appreciate that when I had it? Did I realize how sweet this was? I can’t get it back now.”
Today, a few of us headed down to an open field by our house and played kickball.
It was hot. There was dirt of everywhere, caking every inch of the parts of my skin that weren’t clothed. We were all laughing, and talking and making jokes. We were having fun. Not thinking, just enjoying ourselves and each others presence.
For some reason, for a moment my mind took me back to the years and years I spent on the softball field.
I spent a good majority of my spring, summer and fall playing softball on teams with people who are still my best friends to this day. It was always hot, and we were always dirty. We were always laughing, (maybe not if we were losing) but we always had fun. Those days of my life, I smile thinking about.
I stood on this dirty field, which looked nothing like a softball field I would play on back home and I just thought.
During the kickball game, I was standing at the short stop position- the softball position I played my whole life- and looked around.
In my mind, the kickball field became the familiar softball field from back home. I was staring at tall, chain link fences and excited and anxious parents sitting in the bleachers, cheering us on from behind them. I was listening to my friends and teammates making jokes in the dugout, and scream annoying chants and cheers. I pictured my beloved dad and coach standing in the dugout watching. I pictured the sun setting and the air being a sticky temperature. I felt my old, worn glove on my hand.
It was our turn to kick for kickball.
I felt myself standing in the dugout, waiting for my turn to take the plate. I kicked the ball, and imagined myself hitting the softball and running as fast as I could to first base. I rounded first and I kept running, and ran all the way home and I was instantly taken back to the moments of scoring and being greeted with huge high fives and excited voices.
Then, we got 3 outs and jogged back to the field.
Now, I was remembering the times of doing that light, kind of lazy jog back while laughing into our positions and tossing the softball around each base while the pitcher and the catcher warmed up. There I was again, looking ahead at the chain link fence and parents in the stands.
But then, reality came back. The day dream ended.
Those days of softball that I loved so much were gone. Those days were days I would never get back. And thats where I found myself thinking about time, and wondering if I had appreciated it.
The fact of the matter is, I didn’t.
There have been so many games, concerts, sports, sleepovers, adventures, vacations and oh so much more, that i just never truly cherished, only because I assumed there would be a thousand more memories of it. I always took every moment of every day and counted it off as normal. It’ll happen again, just as it has happened hundreds of times before.
I was always excited to get to the next thing because I knew that whatever I was doing now would probably happen again at some point. “Don’t worry about it…” I always told myself. “There’s always next time.” There’s always next time.
The sad truth is that there isn’t always going to be next time. In fact, all good things do come to an end, whether we want them to or not.
What I’m saying with this, is be where your feet are.
Don’t take moments for granted because you assume there will be more.
Take it all in. Take in the places, the conversations, the people. Take in the smells, the sights, the sounds. All of it. Do not ever miss a beat.
The last 7 months of my life have been incredible.
However, the last 7 months have become memories. The nights of sitting around a worn out table outside in the middle of Thailand’s mountains, the long days of running through rice fields with Cambodian orphans, driving through Cape Town and being astounded by all it’s natural beauty… they’re just memories.
The time has gone by so fast, and I don’t even know if I realized then that I wouldn’t have another chance to do it. Maybe down the line, I would come back to those places. But never again would I be there with that same weather, those same people…
And now as my time on the race comes to a close, I think I am finally getting it. I am finally understanding that weird concept of time.
It’s not going to speed up, and it is not going to slow down. It’s going to keep going no matter how I want it to go. It’s just going to keep going.
Along with that, I’ve learned over the course of this time, that moments are precious.
The moments of dancing around church in worship, the moments of laughing over a movie, the moments of joyful conversation, and the moments of conversations you don’t want to have. Every meal with your family, each spontaneous car ride with your friends… these are all simple moments in life.
But one day, these moments will be over. And you’re gonna find yourself wanting them back..
I can go on and on about how precious and valuable time is— but I just want to encourage you and leave you with this.
You have 24 hours in a day. 7 days in a week. 4 weeks in a month. 12 months in a year. And God only knows how many years.
Make every moment count. Treasure every event of every day. Be present. Be ready, and don’t wish for anything. Let the uncertainty of the coming times rest, and just enjoy the now. The future can wait, and will wait. The present will not. The past can not be undone.
Even on the sucky days, you’re gonna find yourself wanting them back. Find that silver lining on a gloomy day, and don’t let the sun stop shining on a day of pure glory.
Enjoy every, everything while you can.
