Father,
I need You, to soften my heart and break me apart. Father, I have allowed fear and my flesh to harden my heart. I have let pride get in the way. Soften my heart. Break me apart. Search my heart and allow my pride to be stripped away.
I need You to open my eyes, to see that You’re shaping my life. Open my eyes to the areas in my life where my pride and flesh gets in the way. Open my heart, search into the deepest of parts and let me see that You are going to use them and shape me. You will bring my flesh to my focus and shape and mold me into a better person.
All I am, I surrender. I surrender my life to you. Anything that keeps me from growing closer to You, I surrender. My friends, my family, my income, leaving the country, I surrender it to You. It is all at Your will and Your plan. I am fearful, but You can have that too, use it to grow me closer to You.
Give me faith to trust what You say. You have told me to go. Go and share Your name. I am terrified. I am afraid to give up the comforts of my life. Give me faith to trust that when You told me to go and that this is what You have planned for me. That you know what I need and will comfort and care for me.
You’re good and Your love is great. You are a good, good father. You have me. I know this deep down, I do, yet I let the lies flood in so often and lose sight of Your love for me. Allow me to combat the lies and know that You cherish me. You will never leave me or forsake me. You love me so deeply that I will never be able to understand. You are the greatest love of all, and you know what’s best for me even if it is scary.
I’m broken inside, I give You my life. I am flawed. Oh, am I flawed. I am a hot mess. I am broken. I don’t know how I would make it through the day if You weren’t there cheering me on. If You didn’t take my hand and lead me into the light. Father, I am simply flesh. I give You my life. You can have my friends, my family, my job, and leaving for 11 months. Please take them. I am bound to screw them all up if it weren’t for You, for You teaching me daily how to love, to give grace, mercy, compassion. Have all of me. Use it at Your will. I know You have a plan, whatever it may be, have my life to do with what You want.
And I may be weak but Your Spirit’s strong in me. I am weak. Father, you bring me the strength I need. You fulfill me. You feed me, clothe me, and quench my thirst. You strengthen me up. You nourish me. Without you I am a malnourished child. You are the only thing that will quench this hungry and thirst. Your Spirit is strong and brings me strength. It will allow me to do things that I fear. It will give me the strength to leave everything I know for 11 month. You will give me the ability to be grown, fed, and molded in this next season of my life. I am trying to not be fearful. I am trying to trust in Your will. I am trying to see Your plan. I am having a hard time, Father. Strengthen me. Fill me with Your strength. Fill me with Your love. Fill me with Your comfort. Holy Spirit, strengthen me.
My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will. I am bound to fail You. I am going to try my hardest not to. I want to be brave. I want to trust You. My flesh will fail You. I have weak knees and burdens to carry, but God, You have my back. You are far more powerful then these knees. My burdens stand no chance up to You. You are the all powerful almighty God. Father, You will never fail me. You will never leave or forsake me. You are my love and my comfort. You are my everything and even when my flesh so often fails You, You never will come close to failing me. You are my Father and You are all I need.
Your child,
Sydney
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