I left for training camp this morning. I spent the majority of yesterday packing for this, and then for South Africa. Training Camp ends on the 18th and I’m leaving Camp to go straight to the airport to hop on a plane to go to ZA with my church.
Packing was hard. For Training Camp, you have to pack like you’re packing for the Race. You have to pack like you’re going to be away for nine months. So everything I need for nine months of living is in one big backpack and one small backpack. How crazy is that? I definitely had a few meltdowns.
I’m very excited for this month ahead of me, but I’m also nervous.
Fun fact: I’ve never been to camp before.
Training Camp scares me. I haven’t wanted to say that to many people, but I’m very very nervous. Training Camp is the determining factor of whether or not I’m ready to go on the Race. If I don’t meet the requirements then I can’t go. That absolutely terrifies me. What if I can’t go?
God has called me to go on this trip. I know this to be true, so I shouldn’t be worried. I’ve talked to God about it a lot, but I’m really having a hard time shaking this fear.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
I need to love God more. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Jesus. I love Him and love worshipping Him and spending time with Him, but apparently I have some hesitations or distractions. I need to spend more time meditating on His Word and talking to Him. I’m holding on to something, it’s probably control. It’s hard to give up control of your life. It’s hard to let God have the reigns all the time.
Control is something I struggle with giving up. If I don’t have control, then what’s going to happen? I have no idea. I have no control. That’s scary. But, I’ve learned that the most beautiful moments in my life happen when I’m not in control. When I’ve given it all up to God, he creates beauty out of my mess. It’s amazing what God can do, and by not giving it up to Him, we’re restricting ourselves from what could be. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to give everything up to God. Will you join me?
