Wonder vs. Wander. - Explore Archived World Race Alumni Blogs

I'd really love to live in Antigua, Guatemala.
Oh wait…I DO!

I think the reality of it all is slowly becoming more of a….reality?
The first week has slowly crept by, and while blurry and clouded, I've begun to ask the Lord,

"What is YOUR vision for my life this month?"

I often wonder what in the world I had to do to get HERE, to this beautiful country with beautiful people and beautiful weather and beautiful food and beautiful views of mountains and volcanos. I ask God over and over again, "Me? Really? I don't understand it." & time and time again, His simple response is, "Yes, you–and you didn't have to do anything but love me and follow me to get here."

Sometimes it's really that simple. Really.
And because I'm human {and also female}, I complicate things.
I overanalyze, scrutinize, and homogenize all things "spiritual" and I'm left wondering.

But even that takes me back to my current blog title, that "not all who wander are lost". Sure, it's a different type of wandering, and clearly I'll be wandering from country to country this year, in search of all things beautiful, and always finding God there. But I'll forever wonder why He chose me.

The main truth He's been teaching me is that HE DOESN'T NEED ME. Not at all, not even a little bit, as much as I'd like to think He does. Instead, He's teaching me that He chooses to use me and allows me to have an impact on His Kingdom…because He loves me. And He's okay with me wondering, even when I'm not.

So far, my team and team "Shadowfeet" have been able to work in a local children's hospital, as well as at some "Abuela Homes" {grandparents}, just loving on them, serving them, singing songs and playing games, and simply sitting in their presence to help them know that they are noticed, thought about, and cared for. We've also had opportunities to bless and serve their staff of nurses, who have often overheard/overseen us praying, and have asked us for their own prayer, as well as taken the time to try to encourage other missionaries who have come before us and will stay here long after us {one of whom is from nearby Omaha, Nebraska, and I've already learned so much from. Thank you, miss Pat, for showing me how to love better.}
It's been cool to not have a plan every day {which is totally out of my element, but I'm learning to embrace it and go with the "flow"}, and instead go into these places of pain and lonliness and just ask the Lord what He would have us do for that day. He always says, "show them my Love and Light and Laughter." And so we do. I think that's really all He ever asks us to do, no matter where we're positioned in this great big, small world.

And so as we begin our second week of ministry tomorrow {I'll admit it feels like we've already been here for a month}, I'll enter into it with a heart of thankfulness. Thankful that He called me, thankful that He fulfilled His promises, thankful that He provided a way through my friends and family's prayer and financial support, and thankful for His provision and blessings. {We've been abundantly provided for so far, and even as I sit and write this blog in a coffee shop nicer than my local starbucks, I know the trials are yet to come, and already slowly beginning.} I don't fear the hard or the painful or the vulnerable or the ugly…but I know God is preparing my heart for it by easing me into the Nations, by giving me small glimpses of destitute people in desperate situations that I can love, but also allowing me to bask in the goodness of warm showers and western plumbing and a bed and the choosing of my food.

We may not always have the answers for why God allows or doesn't allow certain things in our lives. We may not have the closure we think we need, the finances to get there, or the will-power to press on. But He's teaching me that He provides all of these things, and He was in Antigua, Guatemala long before I was. He's been here since the beginning, loving these people, pursuing them, gently knocking on the doors of their hearts.

And yet…He's called me here, to continue the work He began.
I cannot tell you how humbling that is–how much it helps me know I'm so treasured and so cared for.
He lets us when we LET HIM.

While I don't know where my next steps will take me, I wonder, and as long as I remain present and continue to walk alongside of Him and His divine will for this month and my life, He'll let me keep wandering.

That's cool.

In Love and Light, from the beautiful country of Guatemala,
Suzy

P.S.–I've uploaded some photos I've captured so far below. Check um' out.

my roommate, naomi and i at the ancient ruins of a convent from 1538.