As I sit here ringing in my 30thbirthday, I am thinking about all the unknowns that I am going to experience this year. I’m now 30, flirty, and thriving according to the movie “13 Going On 30”. (I don’t think I’m very flirty, but I know that I am definitely thriving! 🙂 I have 6 months at home with all of the amenities that I enjoy. Family and friends who I can see regularly or talk to on the phone, air conditioning, heating, a car, a job, variety of clothes, daily showers, and a plethora of cereals to choose from for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But in 6 months, I take the plunge into the unknown… loving and serving people through different jobs as a missionary for 11 months in 11 different countries! Part of me asks, “What the heck have I gotten myself into? Now that I’ve started telling people, I have to commit. No backing out now.” But another part of me says, “God has extended to me a huge invitation and I would be a fool not to take it. And He has guided my life in such a way that I am one of the few people that I know who can take this plunge. So do it!!!”
At this point, I am full of excitement and not nervous at all. (But I’m sure that will not always be the case.) I’m spending more time than normal at REI learning about all the gear that I will be taking with me (my life for a year has to fit into one hiker’s pack… quite a stretch for an over packer like myself). The hamster in my mind is running as I am writing letters, telling people about what God is doing and where I am going, and planning lots and lots of fundraisers. I’m spending time thinking and praying through my passion to love and help people and praying for more of that passion. I’m getting excited to meet my team that I’ll be working with for a year. I’m organizing through all that I need to get done before I leave… immunizations (I’m going to become a human pin cushion), halting or canceling certain contracts, and renewing my driver’s license, credit card and debit card since they all will expire while I’m gone. So while I’m busy with it all, I’m excited.
However, I am also thinking about the people and things I am going to miss. Some of my closest friends will be moving away so when I return, I will no longer be doing day-to-day life with them anymore. I will miss my nephew’s “terrible two’s” (maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all). I’ll lose a lot of my skill as an interpreter. I’ll miss game nights, get togethers, birthdays, and trips. People will continue to live their day to day lives without me. And to be honest, I’m afraid people will forget about me… out of sight, out of mind. I wonder what my life will be like when I return and I am changed. Will I want to stay here, or move to one of the countries that I visited? Will the taste that I get for one of the jobs that I do move me to make it my life’s work? I don’t know. But as I turn 30, I reflect on some of the more recent and most important lessons God has taught me that I will remember and live by for the rest of my days… He gives and He takes away. Life is fluid and nothing is ever certain. He is the only One who will love me unconditionally, for all of my days. People pass away. Some friendships are for life, while others are seasonal. While this might sound depressing, and it can be, it brings me greater joy knowing that God never leaves me and is not seasonal. This is why I can be excited. This is why I can leave all that I love about home and trust Him in different lands. This is why I can accept the invitation that He is offering me… because I can trust Him and because I love Him. More than the people I’m leaving. More than the security I feel that I have. More than all of my comforts. I’m not completely ready, but I’m getting there…
