SILENCE. That is what the past few months have been from me and blog writing. Not silence from God. He’s talking up a storm. Teaching lessons I can’t ignore. Pruning and bearing fruit that is abundant and clear. But silence from me penning words to share with others. And honestly, I’m sorry. Some of you will read this and realize that you didn’t even notice the long pause. Some of you will say “Finally!” For me, I say it’s been too long and I haven’t given the glory due to God that He deserves by keeping stories to myself.
THAILAND
I’m not writing this particular blog as an update of all things. Those of you who have let me know you wanted to be on my email list have read of many of the ups and downs I’ve had since being back out on the field. Being in constant prayer over every situation and person. Asking God for wisdom with every person who comes to me for advice, prayer, help, encouragement… and baggage. Spending almost 2 weeks caring for an injured squad member in a Thailand hospital until she got on a plane to go home. Coming to Cambodia late because of having to extend that care. Yet witnessing the Holy Spirit, the Comforter and Advocate sent from God after Jesus left the earth to be with and in His believers, come alive and lived out more fully in me than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.
CAMBODIA
Followed by some much need rest days in Sihanoukville, Cambodia. Beach days of refreshing.
Being with another squad member as she was mugged. Living at the beach, then a super peaceful village in Kampot, Cambodia. Watching the Cambodians in the village live a simple, yet hard life. Seeing the fruit of a man’s life as he really has given everything to the Lord to work through him to open up an English school free of charge and take in 4 boys to be a father to.
DIFFICULT TRANSITIONS AND DECISIONS
Moving onto debrief in Siem Reap, Cambodia where the excitement of worshiping together as a squad and pouring into one another, building each other up and sharpening one another as we finished one season in Cambodia and moving on to a new season in Vietnam took a turn when my co-leaders and I had to have difficult conversations and make the decision to send two people home from the race. Breaking the news to our squad. Fielding questions. The difficulty of expressing grace and forgiveness which is not necessarily absent of consequences.
VIETNAM
Moving into a new season in Vietnam where my thoughts were rich in family each and every day as I thought of my dad being a drafted soldier there during the Vietnam war years ago. Going to Bien Hoa for a day… the city that he was stationed. Hoping each day just to avoid the hundreds of thousands of motos that crowd the street and not end up splat… like a game of Frogger. Putting survival and family aside to pour into a team doing manual labor to beautify an orphanage up north in Da Nang as well as a team in Ho Chi Minh working shifts at a coffee shop to focus solely on building relationships with the Vietnamese through speaking English with them at Master’s Cup, a coffee shop built with this specific vision. All the while, lovingly receiving some good gifts from God given especially to me… running alone on the beach, meeting Deaf Vietnamese people and attending one of their weddings, riding a moto along the coast. Things that others would have been happy with, but that I was ecstatic with because they are more than fun things to me… but things I love and are a part of who I am.
SOUTH AFRICA
Now, Cape Town, South Africa. A place I lived on my race last year in July, but it’s all new this time around. New location. New people. New ministry. New role.
Supporting the missional family I’m living with for the first week with love and service to whatever they ask. Doing grunt work at a soup kitchen that serves impoverished schools in the area. Spending all of my time seeking out one on one conversations with the two teams I’m with and hearing their joys and struggles. Deciphering through time for myself and time to invest in others. Time for my relationship with God and what the overflow is to the squad. Figuring out and learning more about my gifts of wisdom, teaching, and shepherding others. Discipling. Encouraging people even through offering them challenges. How to do that well.
EXPECTATIONS… CHANGED
Back to the silence that I want to break…
During my second week in Vietnam, I boarded a sleeper bed bus [fancy recliner “beds” filling a two story bus] for a 24 hour ride up north from Ho Chi Minh City [Saigon] to Da Nang. I was to be staying for a week with a team that was working at an orphanage for special needs kids and working with anti-child trafficking, and I was pumped. However, scraping walls and painting is what the week entailed instead. But… it was incredible. I didn’t mind at all and it was super beneficial to be a part of their team, speaking into them with ways to pour into and be intentional and closer with one another in a month where they work side-by-side and have so much opportunity to go deeper in relationship with each other.
A good gift God gave me though was the opportunity to run. On the beach. Bare foot. Alone. Numerous times. No ipod and music. Just the sound of the waves, the vision of ocean and the other Vietnamese all running, swimming and exercising in a variety of ways [starting at 4:30am!!!]. And conversation with Him.
The day before one run I spent time reading John 11 where Jesus had the opportunity to heal Lazarus before he died, yet didn’t. He doesn’t prevent him from dying. Instead He says, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” As I was running and praying through this, He spoke to me about my reluctance to blog this time out on the field. Jesus could have healed Lazarus from his illness and preserved his life and He would have been greatly glorified. A healing. Yet, He lets him die so that He can raise him from the grave instead. A greater glory. Glorious on both accounts. Yet one, bringing more glory to Him than the other. The same with me. I could live this life. Squad lead out in these 5 countries. Grow in the Lord, my relationship and understanding of the Holy Spirit, Him move in me, through me, and for Him, and see and be a part of the most amazing things in this world. Open my mouth to hear myself speak some of the wisest things I’ve ever heard [only to humbly recognize that’s the Lord in me speaking because no way am I that wise, patient, or kind]. I have stories upon stories of the goodness and the measure of God. And as I give Him the glory for each of them, it is good. But He is asking me to share my life and what He is doing with others through social media and whatever way that I can. In this way, bringing Him MORE glory. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. So may this be the first blog of others to come.
First, my apologies because I have kept the goodness of what the Lord has done in me, through me, in Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam, mostly to myself. Because I haven’t shared His glory with many other people. Second, my [hopeful] commitment to break this silence.
WHAT I REALLY DO, DAY TO DAY
As I write this I look over my first draft (which I wrote after skyping for 2 ½ hours with two racers who needed some extra encouragement and to process through some situations they’ve been dealing with at an orphanage). And here in Cape Town, South Africa, I finish it up after a day of painting. Building a relationship with a guy at a squatter village yesterday. And starting to think about changes that will be coming to the squad after Vanessa, Stacy and I leave at the end of month 5. I do many random things, whatever the team I’m with that week is doing and whatever is needed by whoever I am with that day. But my main ministry really is investing in the squad. Those whose emotional and personal baggage is coming to the surface as life is getting rough on the field and there are less and less comforts of home. Those who need wisdom and guidance in dealing with their teammates. Those whose lives God is radically changing… for the good. Those who have rebellious spirits. Who are offended easily. Who don’t know what the heck to do with the rest of their lives. Who need a listening ear. Who need to be challenged. Who need to think beyond themselves. Who are living out a unique life as they become more and more spiritually mature. Each day is full of these conversations and living life in this context. Participating with them in ministry is just a bonus… and a way into their lives.
I don’t know what God is doing in you. If you even notice. If it’s big or seemingly small. But I do know that so often, the greater glory to God is to share what He’s doing in us, teaching us, and bringing us through. And while I haven’t gone full force and shared many details quite yet, know that they are on their way.
So…
What is God doing in your life right now?
