So, without a computer, a tv, a phone, & no new book to start you have a lot of time to think. We took a quick trip (two days of travel with a day in Siem Reap in between) over to Cambodia and had a 2-3 hour drive to the boarder, a five hour bus ride to the bus stop that is about and hour and a half from our home for the month where we were being picked up. We were tired so I knew I would sleep most of the way but I was in Cambodia for such a short time I want to take it in and pray for the nation before I was gone, so that is what I did during the drive back to the boarder.
As all my teammates were sleeping my mind was racing as I looked out the window. Many thoughts are fleeting but the word “tension” kept coming back.. so I decided to give sometime to it. Last month I read a small book by Matt Redman called “Facedown” and it had a big impact on me. There was a chapter on the Otherness of God and how even though we get get close to Him, He remains who He is, God! That will create a tension in our life. I always thought of tension as a negative thing, the thing in my neck that creates all those knots but reading this reminded me that some tensions are positive.
I realized that the word kept coming to me as I thought over our short time in Cambodia. I was living in a tension but not the right one. I was in tension of who I wanted to be and my desire for belonging or acceptance. I want to grow and be the woman God has for me to be but sometimes that can be a lonely place, ironically it is the place I completely belong and am totally accepted! It seems though I want those things from the world too.
That tension might seem normal or not bad to some but it is not where I want to live because it keeps the focus on me no matter what. The tension I want to live in I did feel in moments of the trip. That is the tension between what I know about God and what I don’t know about God. The tension of seeing Him as all powerful, perfect, Holy, the creator of the universe and as my Daddy who knows and loves me deeply. The morning we were there I went to to pool. It was so great because I spent time reading the word of God and praying to the Creator of all and then I jumped in the pool and asked my Daddy to play with me. It felt good and strange at the same time because I have never had an issue with seeing God as the Almighty God, but approaching him as a daughter is newer.. and it is a goos tension to live in because no matter what I am focused on God!
It’s funny because in the first one I am trying to become a better person but if I am focused on God that will happen but when I am focused on me I inevitably will take steps back (even if I accomplish a few forward too). So, even from a selfish point of view it makes more sense to foucs on God. Oh, how gracious He is!!
Sorry again for no pics but I am unable to download them this month. Please pray God uses us in a big we this last 2 weeks in Thailand and many come to hear the good news as well as the wall getting done. I need to raise $6500 more and need $3800 more in the next two weeks so pray for that to please. Thanks
