I am a list person, out of necessity. If I do not write down what needs to be accomplished in my day or week, I can guarantee that important things will be forgotten about. It’s not a matter of me wanting to not do what is important, but rather, a result of having a plethora of things vying for attention during the day. It is far easier for me to start a project than to finish it. If I did not use lists, I might as well be called Dory.
Before I became a World Racer, I struggled with time management. I had so many things to do and nowhere near enough time in the day to do it all! Now that I’m in the midst of preparing for my World Race, I am feeling more overwhelmed by things that need to be done than almost any other recent time I can think of.
I can’t remember the last time I spent serious time in prayer.
I can’t remember the last time I spent serious time reading Scripture.
I can’t remember the last time I spent serious time writing and processing the many things Jesus is showing me.
The result of these things is one exhausted Susan–physically, mentally, and spiritually. My days off from work are spent in a frenzy, trying to catch up on all of the World Race things that I had procrastinated doing since my last day off, in addition to what needs to get done around the house. Earlier today, my dad came in my room to tell me something. He saw the various piles of things I’m working on scattered across my floor and desk. He said to me, “It always looks as if you are in the middle of a million things.” I sighed and responded, “It’s because I am.” I know–both in my head and in my heart–that I need to just relax. I need to take the words of Psalm 46:10 to heart–“Be still and know I am God.” Another translation of that verse says to “cease striving.”
Much easier said than done.
I do not know how to quiet the many thoughts and inner dialogue that are forever in my mind. If I already knew how to truly “be still,” I would have done it already. I also fully know that it’s not up to me to do all of these things. God is in charge of my entire life, including the smallest detail. Holding myself to unrealistic standards will not benefit me–or those around me–in any positive way.
I simply want to not feel as if I am in the middle of a whirlwind anymore.
Jesus, I need You.
