Walking through Siem Reap, a city full of art studios, cozy coffee shops, and boutiques full of cute clothes, I couldn’t shake this feeling in my stomach.
Anxiety is all I felt.
Going in the boutiques, I stared at all of the cute clothes. My mind was filling up with visions on where I would wear that outfit in the States. Then I look at the price tag. $36.
We currently eat off of $2 a day.
Again, we walk into The Blue Pumpkin, a cozy coffee shop that I adore. Macaroons, pistachio and four spice ice cream, Americanos, banana bread, fresh fruit, and other foods that I love fill the store surrounding me. After eating rice all week, I deserve a $4 Mocha right?
The pastor who started Agape School resonated with me after a discussion about whether he likes coffee or not. “I don’t need coffee. I only need water, food, and God.”
Wow.
I realized that anxiety all day was worrying about the future. It seems silly, but I’m scared to give up coffee, great food, my family, my boyfriend. I was idolizing all of these things today.
All I need is water, food, and God.
Christ calls us to abandon worldly comforts. He didn’t guarantee his disciples a place to lay their heads, a meal, or pumpkin spice lattes. He guaranteed them He would be their comfort. He would reach His hand out when they were seeking Him.
Abandonment of all of my possessions besides the 42 pounds on my back has been a hard and beautiful journey. Abandonment from all of the things I used to put my comfort in: clothes, art, design, good food, my boyfriend, my family, and my friends has been a struggle.
However, I wouldn’t take that struggle back for anything.
Abandonment has led to my Friday nights consisting of holding beautiful Cambodian children’s hands in little kid chairs while watching finding nemo. Abandonment had led to Saturdays full of taking silly photos and laughter despite the language barrier. Abandonment has led to greater trust in my heavenly Father. Abandonment had led to more freedom than I have ever experienced before.
