The title of my blog is a phrase that I often use in my daily life when things aren’t going the way I would like them to. I think I first saw it on a t-shirt and the phrase immediately became a part of my vocabulary. My check engine light comes on? Not today Satan. I can’t connect to Wi-Fi to check my Instagram? Not today Satan. An angry client calls to yell at me? You get the idea…
I knew even before applying for this trip that I would be tested and persecuted in the season of preparing to go in to ministry. 1 Peter 4:12 cleared that up for me when it said “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening”, but I had no clue to what extent it would happen. Lately, I’ve been thinking of all the things I will be missing out on when I go. My friends will still go to dinner without me, I won’t get to watch The Bachelor in my yoga pants with my roommate on Monday nights, and most importantly, I won’t be able to eat Chick-Fil-A for close to a year. Y’all, my F.O.M.O. (fear of missing out) is real and I’m currently trying to figure out how my friends can send me a chicken sandwich and waffle fries in a care package overseas.
Once I got over those things and realized that I will be doing something so amazing that I won’t care about The Bachelor and my Chick-Fil-A cravings will go away (fingers crossed), my character began to be attacked. I had constant thoughts that I wasn’t good enough to go in to ministry, I haven’t read the Bible enough to tell people about the gospel, I’m not going to be able to raise the money I need, and that this was another year that I was guaranteed to be single.
The biggest blow of all came when I recently told a new acquaintance about my trip and he berated me for being a Christian. He even told me he hopes I get slapped in the face when I talk to people about Jesus. Believe me, I was mad and hurt, and I really wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but the only thing I could do was laugh internally and say, “Good try Satan, but I’m still doing this”.
What I neglected to do during all those negative thoughts was to remember all the ways that God revealed Himself and His plan for me leading up to the time that I got accepted for this trip. I forgot that this is all for His glory and that I’m just a vessel allowing others to experience the joy that I have knowing Christ. I also forgot to read the next two verses after 1 Peter 4:12 that say “Rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” This experience will be so much bigger than me giving up my daily habits and dealing with negativity and that it’s no accident that I was led to this opportunity.
That all being said, I ask that you pray for me during this season of testing to keep my eye on the prize. I specifically ask you to pray that I remember what was said in John 15:18-19, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why it hates you.” I hope that through this journey, I can understand even an ounce of what He went through for you and me.
