This blog has been sitting on my heart since we left the Philippines and only seems to get stronger the longer I wait to write it! That being said, I will begin:
During the last two weeks of being in the Philippines, I came down with a full-blown cold/sinus infection. Back in the United States I would have pushed myself to work, because that is what we do. However, in the dumps, if I get the kids sick, they cannot afford medicine to get better…quite the sobering thought. So, I became homebound Summer…or hostel-bound Summer. At any rate, I had lots of time to ponder the reasons I could not go out to minister. At first, I was angry, then ashamed, then frustrated…the list goes on.
Finally, in the midst of staying home for the third or fourth day, the Lord again drew me to Song of Solomon. The verse, I have read numerous times, but this time, it stuck out to me as if written in bold print. “Who is this coming out of the desert, leaning on her lover?” (Song of Solomon 8:5) All of a sudden, the reality of my illness made complete sense to me. This whole trip has never been about “saving people” or “doing good things” or “feeling good about my life or myself.” Instead, it is about learning to lean. And for what purpose? So I can look lopsided? No, so I can lean on the One who loves me and made me to lean on Him! I was not designed to figure everything out for myself or walk through life independently, looking confident and hoping no one sees when I trip. Instead, I am meant to walk with rest, confidence, faith, trust, and the sense that I am being supported by the Lord Most High because He LOVES me and He IS supporting me.
I have learned that in those moments when I forget to lean, those are the times that I will fall.
