Ten days spent with my 57 member squad in the great outdoors of Gainesville, GA was exactly what my soul needed. We turned our phones off, participated in field scenarios and received ‘mic drop’ wisdom from our leaders who poured their whole hearts into us. We ate food from all different cultures and practiced the customs of those cultures (including eating some meals with our hands –Shout out to South Africa)!
I learned so much about myself – Now I know that I have a love for sleeping in my hammock almost more than my own bed (even though I fell out a few times.) I truly appreciate bucket showers, baby wipes are a necessity and make-up is definitely not.
It was eye opening to see what living in community should look like. With my squad, I felt no judgment, I felt heard. I felt safe to be vulnerable. There was respect for each other’s stories and oh did I mention, I had only known these people for a few days!? What I really want to highlight about my training camp experience is how I went in with walls and came out with a hard hat of salvation (Ephesians 6:17).
A few months ago someone showed me a painting of Jesus knocking at a door, but the outside of the door had no handle, the door could only be opened from the inside. I remember staring at the painting, thinking that I opened that door a long time ago. Recently, I’ve realized that there is much more to the painting than meets the eye.
I asked myself, “what happened after I let him in?” Jesus was in my life, but for the longest time I wasn’t living my life with him. You can be in the same house as someone and not be ‘doing life’ together. It’s like I locked myself in my room and put a padlock on the basement door that contained my fears and anxiety. I painted over my insecurities; I filled the house with false idols and hung paintings of approval from others. This house was full of things, but ultimately empty, just like me.
This year I stopped hiding and hoarding my worth in worldly things. The basement was too full of fear and anxiety and not another coat of paint could hide my insecurities. I finally followed what Jesus had to say and saw myself for whom I was created to be. I was being called out and since then, we’ve been chipping away at the brick and mortar that made up my house of comfort.
Hard hats were needed for the next demolition that was training camp. As I switched my phone off on Day 1, it was like breaking in a stained glass window so I could clearly see what the week had in store. The walls that held up my comfortable existence collapsed after multiple blows of community, vulnerability, abandon, bucket showers, and hammock sleeps. Every worship session and prayer took a mallet to my insecurities.
Straight out of a Fixer Upper episode I saw Jesus, sledge hammer in hand, leveling walls, Chip Gaines style. I mean.. Jesus was a carpenter so it’s not too far-fetched, right? We drilled down into the foundation of the house as my hidden issues came to light.
Once the walls were down, my squad spoke truth into my shame and anxiety. I learned that the enemy couldn’t do anything with my honesty and I was taking every thought captive. Sunshine now flooded through the skeleton of beams, freeing me from the walls I had put around God.
“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs”. Matthew 10:26-27
Needless to say, realizing my comfort in Jesus sets a fire that can scorch out the desire for anything else. This fervor is so apparent in my squad –they all have a burning desire to know and grow in their relationship with Christ. When all of our flames boogie together with a mission to share that love with others – a wildfire is commissioned and it can catch light to anything in its path.
Life isn’t an individual journey and it’s bigger than us.
It’s not just about breaking down our own walls, but overflowing into others and sparking their desire to know God. As I prepare for launch in August, I know I can no longer put comfortable walls around what God is doing. I recently read, ‘Sometimes the greatest miracles God does are not in our circumstances, it’s in our minds’.
This journey won’t always be easy, and there will always be demolition to do, but Jesus has equipped me with a hard hat of salvation and we’re gonna let the light in.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be encumbered once more by a yoke of slavery” Galatians 5:1
FUNDRAISING UPDATE: I can’t hardly contain my excitement, drum roll pleeaaaasee – I am just $2915 away from being FULLY FUNDED!! My heart skips multiple beats just being able to say that. I can’t say thank you enough for the selfless support everyone has given. Family, friends and strangers – God loves to show up through you and for those of you I can’t physically hug, I am sending bundles of virtual hugs your way 🙂 If you’d like to support, you can click the ‘Donate’ tab at the top of this blog page. Also, don’t forget to subscribe for updates . THANK YOU!
