I am the type of person who seems like they are really busy. Main word in that sentence is seems. The other night a dear friend and I sat in my car for about an hour or so as she was speaking from her heart.
I feel like all of us have had those late night car conversations that we still hold onto dearly, and this one is one I will forever remember.
She was telling me how she really thinks I need to time manage better. Yes, I still have a while before I leave for the race but I have not been emotionally preparing myself for it. I tend to forget about the now and focus on the future. She then said something that was eye opening
"Stina, I feel like if you were to leave tomorrow you wouldn’t be truly emotionally and spiritually ready for it,” and I had to agree.
So the next day we sat at a local coffee shop as I made a weekly schedule. This schedule includes what every day will consist of. I have shared it with two friends and asked them to hold me accountable to it. In this schedule I have made Thursday be my Sabbath day. I have told myself I will keep my phone on complete silent, or airplane mode, and ignore the computer.
Those steps are in hopes of just leaving it with me and God. It is a day full of prayer, silence, reading His word, and listening to Him.
This past Thursday was my first time doing this, and it was simply amazing.
I went to my favorite spot in town. I brought my bible, journal, pens, highlighters, and a book. I began with just inviting the Lord into this moment and rebuking any angry or sinful thoughts. For a while now I have been going through the gospels with no preconceived notions, just educate myself by placing myself in that time. So I continued to read more
“After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.” (Matthew 14:23)
This verse stood out to me a lot. The fact that Jesus knew his alone time was necessary, sent away the disciples, and was there all throughout the night is beautiful. Shortly after reading this I began to pray and meditate.
I simply asked, “Lord, I am lost and I need your help. Am I doing what you have asked of me?"
And he responded in the most amazing way. He was showing me a parade (I will share more why a parade in another blog).
Image credit to Amanda Wallace. (http://amandawallace.smugmug.com/)
The parade started with orange, a really intense and strong orange. The color orange is often associated with separation, evil, and warfare. This is relevant to how my life has been the past month or so. The devil found my weakness and drove with it.
But then the orange turning into these beautiful shades of yellow and gold. These colors often symbolize God’s glory and it also speaks of trail and purging.
"That trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ".(1st Peter 1:7)
As I reflect on that parade the Lord showed me I cannot help but smile. I remember an intense feeling of peace just come over me, I knew that things were going to change.
My afternoon of meditation and solitude doesn’t end there.
After the parade it began to drizzle. Now at this most people would leave, but I felt the Lord tell me to read 1st Peter. So I sat there reading, as the rain drizzled down on me. The Lord told me to read this book and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I sat there reading aloud, actually more like screaming. I received all the answers to the questions I had asked earlier.
It was as though the Lord was washing away all the pain and frustration and uncertainty that was cloudy my life, literally. The water was coming down, all around me was dark, but this peace and light was above me.
As I finished 1st Peter I read a verse that I have recently begun to hold close to my heart.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1st Peter 5:6-7)
I want to end this blog post by saying thank you. All of the prayers and kind words that have been coming my way mean so much. Thank you everyone for keeping such a positive light in my life. It took me a while, but I’m back. The Lord has made his presence so obvious to me and I feel so blessed for everything.
