Its frustrating when old wounds surface and you have no idea
where they came from. You walk into a situation where you should feel safe and
at ease, and something is just burdening you. There is nothing you can think of
to explain it, but in your spirit something is just not right. I believe the
enemy can find a foothold in the most unlikely of places and in the settings
where you feel you should be the most secure.
I work at Adventures in Missions, a Christ-centered and
kingdom-focused organization, but somehow there are days when I feel like I
can’t make another phone call to a potential World Racer, or I get frustrated
with someone just enough to take my focus away from what the Lord has for me
that day. I walk into church, but can’t get past the Ed Hardy graphic T-shirt
the pastor is wearing, and I miss the entire message because I’m so distracted.
Or, I can go to a Will Reagan concert with my friends with the sole intention
of entering into a place of worshiping the Lord, and somehow the enemy can find
a way to enter in.
At a Christian missions organization. At church. At a
Christian worship concert. The places we feel the safest. Shouldn’t we be immune
from attacks in these places? The enemy can’t get in when I put myself in
secure settings like these, right? Wrong.
I was so excited to head to Athens with seven of my friends
for the Will Reagan CD release party in Athens this past Sunday. I spent four
years in Athens at the University of Georgia. I know and love this city unlike
any other. Athens has always had a special place in my heart. We took the
opportunity to eat before the show at one of my favorite restaurants downtown,
and then we headed to the concert. The venue was on campus and was actually in
one of my old lecture hall classrooms that had been renovated into a
performance hall. I was right at home.
This was my city, these were my people, I had some of my
closest friends with me, and I was ready to worship the Lord. So why did I feel
a heaviness I couldn’t shake?
The concert started and I just couldn’t get into it. It was
like I had hit an invisible wall. I was getting flooded with emotions that I
didn’t expect – emotions from college, thoughts of drunken binges downtown,
stupid things I did, my time living in the frat house, a life lived pursuing
empty things. To top it off, I was in a classroom that I had probably come into
hung over at some point. Go figure. The lies started creeping in – “You haven’t
changed! This is still who you are. What if people I know see me? You can’t be
here! You can’t worship here!”
And that’s when it hit me.
I had never worshiped in Athens. Not really, not like this.
And the enemy didn’t want it to happen.
Remember those old wounds I talked about earlier? Boom, the
enemy hit me right in the face with one. This was about as not subtle as it
could get. He took one of my favorite places in the world and made a mockery of
it right in front of me. And I fell for it. I’ve been on the World Race. I’ve
dealt with past wounds. But, I did not see this one coming at all.
Sometimes the best way to combat what the enemy throws at
you is to call it out for the lie it is and declare victory over it, so that’s
exactly what I did. I got up and went to the back of the hall and just started
declaring the things I knew to be true:
“I am a new creation.
These past regrets, mistakes, and decisions I made have no hold on me. Sin has
no hold on me – it has been defeated! The ground I walk on has been made pure
by the one who went before me! I am a new creation. I am a new creation. I AM A
NEW CREATION! There are no chains that can hold me back!”
And then, amidst it all, in the stillness of the moment, as
I lay curled up on the ground in the back of the auditorium, I heard the Lord
speak softly:
“I have redeemed this place in you”
“You mean…you mean, I can worship? God, it’s
ok if I go worship even though I’m in a place that for so long has been a
constant reminder of a time when I was not following you? God…am I free?”
“I’ve
been here all along. Go and worship.”
And just like
that, it was done. The thoughts were gone. I felt an overwhelming sense of
peace and contentment and even excitement. I could worship here. I could go and
be in the presence of the Lord. And I did. I danced. I sang. I closed my eyes
and smiled a goofy grin that I couldn’t and didn’t want to shake. I’m pretty
sure if you had seen me I would have looked high or something. And it was
wonderful. It went on to be one of the most intimate nights of worship I’ve
ever experienced. The Lord more than redeemed it.
Later, towards
the end of the concert, Will Reagan starting singing one of his new songs, and
I’m sure it wasn’t his intention, but the song he sang was God talking directly
to me, affirming in me the words he had just spoken:
“We’re gonna take back all the enemy has
stolen. It’s in the blood of the one who is worthy. I know that God has not
forgotten all that’s lost and broken. So come and see the turning of the tides.
Come and see your sons and daughters rise!“
In order to be fully funded financially, I still need to raise $4557 by January 4th when I head overseas to squad lead! If you would like to be a part of helping make this happen financially, please click on the “Support Me” tab to the left of this blog. If you would prefer to send a check, please put my name in the memo line, make it payable to “Adventures in Missions” and mail to:
Adventures in Missions
P.O. Box 534470
