I do not like to blog.
Blog topics or thoughts that I should
share come to me at random moments, yet when I go to turn on my
computer and open the word processor to begin writing, nothing
comes to mind.
Perhaps it has to do with the same
reason I rarely ever post facebook status updates: I dislike being
the center of attention for even a second. So when I think about
updating my blog, knowing
that the possibility of many people will read what I have
to say, what I have
been up to, what I have
been feeling, thinking, experiencing…well I suppose it has hindered
me a little.
Or maybe it has
nothing to do with that at all and is nothing more than a poor
excuse.
Nonetheless, some
recent reflection has encouraged me to put all that aside and blog,
even if it is little more than 12 words.
A couple of weeks
ago at the beginning of our month 6 debrief in Jinja, Uganda, my
fellow squad leader Lizi shared an observation that stuck with me.
If you don’t know
what a debrief is, it is a time for F Squad to come together for a
few days of rest and reflection. It is a time for worship together as
a squad as well as team debriefs where myself, Lizi, Alyssa and our
coaches Chuck and Selena listen to how each team is doing with living
in community as well as offer them insight and wisdom. Needless to
say, the 5 of us can certainly feel drained after pouring out day
after day.
As Lizi, Alyssa
and I were sitting together in prayer looking ahead to debrief, Lizi
shared this insight with us:
Just
as the words of Jesus are written in red ink, what if as sons and
daughters in Christ, we viewed each word we speak out that is from
the Lord as being in red ink as well?
Immediately
after hearing her say that, I turned to Matthew 10 to read what
became my prayer throughout all of debrief:
“…do not be anxious how you are
to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be
given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the
Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Matthew 10:19-20
Reading
those verses over and over brought a peace upon me during debrief
that I am now praying will come as I blog.
I need to put
myself aside and recognize that what the Lord puts on my heart to
share through my blogs is directly from Him and therefore should be
viewed as being written in red ink, just as the words of wisdom and
affirmation he speaks through me are.
It
is not about what I have
to say or what I have
experienced or what I
have learned. It is about what God
has revealed to me through this journey, and the various elements
that he wants to reveal to you
through me.
And
let me tell you, God has
revealed his incredible love
and power to me and I
look forward to sharing with you all.
After
all, it is not my
testimony but His.
