My experience so far on the Race has
been both difficult and exciting as I continually discover how I
truly need our Father’s strength to keep pressing forward over these
remaining ten months.
Honestly, just a few days spent at the
NTR Colony boys orphanage at the beginning of this month left me
exhausted.
I felt completely drained after less
than four days of ministry in my first month on the Race.
In this state, I began to be filled
with doubt and fear of how much longer I could effectively lead a
team on the World Race.
I really did not think I could go on
much longer at all.
One night at NTR, I stared at the
ceiling in bed afraid of what the next week would bring and how I
could keep going. Knowing I desperately needed His strength to
persevere, I began to pray that night asking for more of Him.
The following day brought a renewing of
my spirit as God led me in prayer to 2nd Corinthians 4:17.
Having no idea what the scripture would say, I opened my bible and
began to read.
“So we do not lose
heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being
renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing
for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” 2nd
Corinthians 4:16-17
I immediately felt a weight
lifted off of me and realized I had been attempting to lead out of my
own self rather than from God.
Before leaving on the Race,
I knew that as a team leader I would not be able to lead on my own,
but would be dependent on God in everything.
However, it is one thing to
know and understand this truth, but to actually begin that process of
dependence can be very different.
I believe I have begun that
process of continually depending on God to lead team Found and Free
through me, and ultimately, my own life.
The remaining weeks left in
India flew by as I had more room to breathe and less to worry about,
knowing God had everything under control.
However, the night before
leaving for Nepal, I realized again I was exhausted, again I was
drained of everything. I had spent the majority of my month in India
pouring myself into painting, children, my teammates and squad mates,
loving every one of them as best I knew how.
If I slowed down to rest, it
was not for very long.
I hardly realized how much
of myself had been spent until the whole squad came together for
worship on our last night in India. Sitting down and leaning against
a wall, I prayed as the room was quiet in worship. I still believed I
was fine and that I could keep going at the pace I was at as long as
I was looking to Him daily.
Was I ever wrong. God hit me
hard, revealing in my heart that I could not simply press on in the
Race because I was looking for more of His strength, but that I also
had to be radically intentional of resting in His
presence as well.
Sobbing for several minutes
at this revelation, at the end of it all I again felt renewed and
refreshed, as if I was ready to go for another month. Which was great
because there was another month just around the corner.
It was as if in order to be
renewed for Nepal I had to acknowledge to the Lord that yes
I am exhausted and yes
I do need to rest instead of pressing on into my 2nd
month of the World Race ignoring that truth entirely.
My team arrived at our ministry location in Nepal last night. The
generosity of our ministry contact and the incredible accommodations
they have provided us makes it clear God wants me to slow down a bit
this month and listen to what else he has in store for me.
I look forward to sharing more with you soon!
