I know some of you are probably wondering about the bungy jump experience, so let me tell you about it!
We decided as a few of us to bungy jump because we all had something to jump for, and for me I was finishing something that needed done. A while ago someone spoke over me about jumping off the cliff and being all in. Three years ago I thought I knew what that meant, but then God doing the thing He does, someone spoke over me the same exact thing.
“Jumping off the cliff and being all in, letting go and trusting him that He has me.”
So I was going to jump! The day it became real was the day that our contact booked the jump which means you pay whether you jump or not. And the fear began to sink in…
“This is stupid.” “I could die.” “This is more scary to me than jumping off a plane.”( Is that weird?)
Maybe it was because when I sky dive, I remember being scared again and even nervous, but with the bungy it is only me and a rope that I kept praying would not snap or break. But as the day of the jump kept coming, my heart became more and more afraid of the unknown. Jumping over 500 feet of free fall scared me to the core.
But it hit me, I was afraid of death, I am afraid of dying, I am afraid of the unknown, I am afraid of not being secure. The Lord was just showing me all these fears that I had in my life.
The times I am afraid to do something different because of stepping in unknown territory, the fear of what people think of me, the fear of being alone, and the biggest one… the fear of failure.
All these feelings became so real to me, and I hated that feeling of the heart racing to the point you feel your heart is going to just burst out of your chest.
Then came the day of the jump, my body was shaking like crazy, we climbed over the bridge to get the resort and get the stuff ready, I am pacing back and forth wondering what in the world is going on, and the fears begin to sink in again.
We climbed to the bridge and they tell me I am jumping second.(They told me I was jumping first to see my reaction, I thought I was going to faint.) But second still was very scary, when the guy went everything began to happen so quick, I was being strapped and my body began to freak….
“STOP, I CAN’T DO THIS….I WANT TO LIVE!!!!”
The man who was strapping me began to see me panic and gently held my arms and talked to me, asking my name, and how I am feeling and comforting me that I am so safe. I was very thankful for that man, and then came time for the Bungy Master( yes that is his name.)
He began walking me to the jump, and everything began rushing in and I felt everything that I was fearing rushing in.
The feelings that hold you back because you do not know what will happen next, the fears of failure just surrounding you and suffocating you. I did not want to feel these feelings. All I wanted was security.
But he walked me to the edge and I began to lose my breathe, he then let go of my hand and I remember saying loudly “I am going to fall.” Duh! I know, but it is very scary up there.
Then he began counting.
“One.” – Oh my Lord what am I doing, I can’t do this. This is just too scary for me.
“Two.”- I can’t do this…”Stop please stop.”- I said with as much strength as I could.
“Your waiting you won’t jump if you keep waiting.”
I looked up, I wanted to give up, this was too hard, my blood was pumping way to fast. But I knew this was something I had to do. I was tired of not doing something because I was afraid of what was going to happen, or afraid that I would fail, or worse I was afraid of doing something that I would lose my life to.
So I told him I am ready.
“Okay, one.” – I can do this just jump. Just let go and jump.
“Two…”and there I GO, flying in the air. If I waited I would not have done, but I did. It was all so fast, yet all so slow at the same time.
Falling I remember seeing the ground fly up to me and then me being repelled back. I was screaming, but there was so much joy, laughter, and chanting going on when coming back from the fall. It was awesome and so much freedom from letting go and putting myself in. I did it, I let go and put myself all out there, and it was one of the most lively experiences I had ever encounter.
But this feeling does not just come from jumping 500 feet. The same goes with the Lord and walking in step with Him, sometime I want to give up, or not do something because I am afraid of something, but trusting in the Lord with my everything. The Lord calls us to do hard things that can be very scary, but so worth it all in the end.
Every time you let go and put yourself all in, the Lord carries you in ways you have never knew before, and it is completely awesome!
Thank you all again for your prayers and support, I am looking forward to rest and Thailand coming up next 🙂
