I never realized how much of a guard I had over my heart until this month, where I my eyes were open to the fact that I need to let go and forgive those who have hurt me.
There is this physical presence in my Spirit that really does feel as if I have a guard over my heart because all the hurtful words and actions from the past I kept putting a coat over my heart because I did not want to feel the hurt and honestly it was because I felt my feelings did not need to be voiced.
If I stated my hurt that means someone would be sharing in my pain or I would cause them pain, I did not want to cause anyone an inconvience because honestly I did not believe for a long time that I was worth it.
I have been blessed with two people that I have fully trusted my heart with because from the good times and the bad times they have been there for me. Kait and Ronnie. These two have been my friends for as long as I could remember and they have been faithful, loyal, and trustworthy of companions.
For a long time they were the only ones I could fully trust my heart with, and now the Lord is showing more that I just need to let go and forgive…
Forgiveness? What does forgiveness have to do with me having a guard over my heart? The truth is this guard is over my heart is because I have not forgiven those who have hurt me… things that were out of my control and things that people said that were just so hurtful. I just did not want to hurt anymore.
Haven’t we all have felt that way before? Someone we loved or were really close to us breaks a promise, or hurts us in ways that can not be explained, or even people we don’t even know put us down because for some reason hurt people hurt people.
But he is calling me to forgive and give it all to Him. To give Him the things that were out of my control, to give Him the hurtful words that were said, to forgive the physical pain that was caused, and to forgive those who have betrayed my love and my trust..
I have no idea what this looks like and how it will come to be. I like structure so give me instructions and tell me what the end result looks like I will do it!!!
But our God does not work that way:) He calls us to endure suffering because in the end it is Him Himself who will restore me, establish me, strengthen me, and confirm me. And though I do not see the end result, I will continue giving the Lord my heart and trust that He will finish the good work that He had began in me.
So for those who follow this, I ask that you pray as the Lord is taking me on this journey because it is not easy, but I have already seen the growth of this process and the Lord is gonna keep bringing me to His glory…
