“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” (Galatians 5:13)
We we’re called to be free. But what if I’m not ready for freedom?
I began to seriously ask myself this question when I got here to Nicaragua (don’t worry I’m posting a blog all about it here soon). Here on the World Race we have what you call your Freedom V—you begin at the very bottom where you have less freedom and more healthy boundaries. Then as your grow in self-governance you move up where there’s more freedom and less boundaries. A lot of these freedoms I’m talking about are typical things we take for granted at home, like service, wifi, ways into town, a town that’s safe enough for us to go into.
My months 3-6 were where my squad and I were at the bottom of that Freedom V. All of our boundaries weren’t in place to be restrictive, although it felt like that sometimes, it was help us fix our eyes on the truth that these freedoms—that are good things—may actually be imprisoning us and imparting us with the impression that we need them.
This blog isn’t an argument, saying all Christians need to check their lifestyles and put up tons and tons of limits—because quite frankly, that’s not freedom. What this blog is about, is that I personally have a lot of respect for the process of moving up in freedom, and when it’s done properly and appropriately you don’t need boundaries to keep you in alignment with the life that the Lord has for you—you just desire what he has for you more than things of the world.
The second I got here I was so excited that I had service for things like calling my family, checking my social media, downloading podcasts (drop your fave podcasts in the comments, lol), and all of the benefits of having a phone. My team and I were eager to taxi into town and go to all of the fun coffee shops and stores that we didn’t get to go to for 3 months in Africa. Our compound had nice beds, boujee bathrooms, and more food than I’ve eaten this entire race. I can’t stress enough that these are all good things. The Lord has blessed us with this abundance of freedom! The problem only begins to develop when I take these good things and make them the centerpiece of my day—which I began to see myself fall back into.
Back in Africa, basically any of my free time was spent with the Lord or my team, and a lot of good fruit grew from rooting myself into these two things. I wasn’t killing time, I was investing time. The truth is, we misuse ourselves when all we do is listen to podcasts and drink good coffee all day. We plant trees of indifference and self-seeking nature when we allow the littlest, most innocent-seeming things to distract us. And lo and behold—I’m guilty of letting a bunch of little, innocent things distract me.
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 6:12)
Although I was initially a little disappointed in myself that I was so quick to slip back into old habits, I had a shift in perspective about it.
1. God is not a God of shame. He is fully aware that we fall short and he meets us with grace.
2. I’m blessed to be in the safest environment to fail in. I still have two and a half months left to figure this out, so when I’m back in the States with all kinds of temptations, I’m actually prepared!
3. It’s actually a beautiful thing to be self-aware. No one from my squad had to tell me that I was failing to use my freedom wisely, I already knew. And I was aware of it really quickly. Thanks Holy Spirit.
What’s the point of having freedom if you aren’t producing good fruits from your choices with it? Maybe your response is something along the lines of: “Well, my choices aren’t necessarily producing bad fruit. They aren’t really producing any fruit. So it can’t be that bad then, right?” The issue with this thinking is that we, as Christ followers, are supposed to be producing good fruits all the time. Everyday. 24/7. No off days or moments of minutes or seconds. Everything we do is supposed to be for God’s glory, because our time isn’t really ours. It’s his, so it seems fair that we give him what isn’t ours to begin with, right? I highly doubt that God delights in us using our time to watch Netflix or scroll on Facebook. It’s quite obviously not the reason he created us. Again, I’m just as guilty.
With more freedom comes more responsibility. And stewarding that well is really just self-control: the most underrated fruit of the spirit in my opinion. It’s one of the biggest testaments to how firmly grounded your relationship is with the Lord because you begin to shift from this mindset of instant-gratification and self-centeredness to a mindset of only chasing after the Lord. I think it’s one of the first fruits you lose when you’re not in intimacy with the Lord. I sure know it’s the first thing that I lose when I’m lacking in my relationship with God.
The good news is grace upon grace upon grace! I ran to the Father, laid all of this down at his feet, and now we’re beginning to develop personal boundaries that I can put in place so I can succeed and not take steps backwards. There’s no shame in still learning how to become someone who chooses in & focuses on what’s right in front of me instead of all of the little distractions that the world throws at me. I consider myself lucky that God is a gentleman and gave me the space to figure out where I was failing so I could seek him for help.
For anyone out there who is questioning whether or not you’re struggling with the freedom you have, take it to the Lord! Is your relationship with him lacking? Are there things that consume more of your time than he does? With his help, you could seriously bless your relationship with him by setting up boundaries until your able to walk in more freedom without falling back into old habits!
