Hours before we began our work with refugees in Lesvos Greece, one of the most hectic moments of our race, our squad mentors addressed the whole squad, 45 people, and taught us the unofficial motto of the Marine Corps “Semper Gumby” – meaning “Always Flexible”, and as those words slipped by my ears the phrase stuck. Our circumstances are sometimes unpredictable and uncontrollable, and I’m learning to be okay with the almost inevitable need for flexibility here on the race.
Throughout the whole World Race missionary experience change becomes a part of everyday life. Everything changes whether that be sleeping arrangements, living arrangements, what we eat, the scenery, climate, temperature, how safe an area is, what hours of the day we are awake, our plans, our routes, who we are helping, how we are helping, who we work with, and ultimately,
we change
Slowly, all those little unexpected changes in life erode the facades, the things that aren’t made of the REAL stuff in you, until the disguises come crashing to the ground, and then the real person emerges from the battered clay, muck of life, a true expression of humanity. At this moment one must own the overwhelming reality of who they are or deny the entire depth of the need that is inside them. To make eye contact with the reality of who you are is to mourn the idea of what you wished you were or thought you were, and then accept the pain of loss.
That is brokenness.
That stripped down, gasping for air, existential crisis lifestyle is the poster-child of the World Race, and WR staff warned us that if we embarked to share the Gospel around the world that God would upset our comfortable outlooks on life. However, they also added that if we are able to cut out our fleshy false selves, and cling to God we would find freedom in the truth of who God intended us to be.
After the motivational pep talk we strapped on our packs, jumped on planes, rode buses, and walked into the mission field full of zeal and spunk, but by our second month my team and I entered our ministry already emotionally drained and on edge. During the 2nd month I pushed myself past my physical limits, and ended up burning out physically resulting in sickness. My team told me to take some time off. For a time I did, but not long after, our month 2 ministry was interrupted by refugees jumping from Turkey to the island of Lesvos in massive numbers. There we were on the front lines of EuroRelief helping refugees and having our heartstrings tugged daily.
Did you know that people everywhere have problems? Because I thought I did, but then the real faces of refugees became etched in my mind started to change me in ways I didn’t want to be changed.
Soon it was difficult to remember that the refugees were people, because to accept them as real people would be too unsettling. It would be too unsettling to believe that thousands of people and families pass through the refugee camps everyday as they run from the terrors of war, persecution and desolation. I pass them a ration of food and tell them to move on, because there are too many. There are too many everyday. Initially, our fresh eyes beckoned many questions that were not immediately answerable, because we were busy grappling with an overwhelming amount of work before us. Now, a few months later, the timing doesn’t seem quite right to deal with what happened, what is happening, and the answers are still not immediately evident.
What answer can a I give the 4 Afghani 15 year olds who all had their parents killed by the Taliban? What can I do for the Ugandan who is fleeing a rebel group that wants him to join their “freedom” fighters or die? What do I say to the mother who lost a child crossing treacherous waters? -what can I say?…what can I do?…
Instead of waiting for an answer, I threw myself into my work, so I could leave my heart out of this whole mess. Unfortunately, God had different plans. The next month I worked with refugees who were in even sadder conditions, and as a result I worked even harder. Each place up until now I worked hard, hard enough to ignore the real issues at hand, while taking care of the base ones.
Then, I hit a wall.
What was this? Why couldn’t I function? Why couldn’t I work?…I felt broken. -My emotions started rushing out of me onto the forefront of myself. I’d pull out my computer, and my teammate, Andrea, would slam it shut on me and tell me to rest. I’d open up the machine again and realize I wasn’t getting anything done.
A little later, One of the squad leaders told us about her real and raw encounters with burnout…It clicked…
A real and heavy weight follows with the work we are doing on the WR, and it’s a weight we’re not meant to carry. We can deal and process, but it’s in God’s hands. Until that trust is given over to Him there will be a rough incongruity with the world. Am I willing to trust that God cares about the world’s problems as much to more than I do?
My Hope came in a form I didn’t quite expect.
After I had preached a message and shared the gospel to a school in Zimbabwe, a small, soft-spoken, black woman came up to me and said, “I Love you with the Love of God.”
Her words were a sentiment of gratitude, but they echoed the truth and power of the Kingdom of God. Look anywhere and it is easy and plain to see the effects of sin and the weight of the world, but look at the the commandments that Jesus said were the most important and you see the advance of the Kingdom. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”
As cliche as the Beatles have made it, Love is God’s answer to evil.
God loves us more than anything, and as we use His Love to Love others that is the advance of the Kingdom of Light over Darkness. When we bring Christ’s love to others that is the Hope of all Nations and the solution to all problems. Love looks different for different people, but God is a Grand General orchestrating our lives and giving us our marching orders. His grace and His truth are marching on, and His Love is the catalyst for change, for redemption, for healing, for restoration. His Love is perfect and has no blemish as our pathetic attempts at love do, and our privilege is to allow ourselves to be a conduit of His amazing surpassing Love and Glory.
Thank You For Reading, and May God Bless You with His Love Today.
