As long as I can remember I've always wanted to be a missionary. Ever since I was young I've been involved in doing some sort of ministry. I've taught English as a second language as well as literacy classes for both kids and adults, I've done my fair share of concrete floors, taught sunday school, evangelized, been a translator, and so many other ministry related things. When I was about 16 or 17 God gave me a heart for my own country, Honduras.
Honduras is a beautiful country but it's full of brokenness. It is a 3rd world country and it's considered one of the most dangerous places. The country has a youthful population but the poverty, chronic unemployment, and illiteracy have forced so many to get involved in maras (gangs) that have contributed to the violence in Honduras. Working with my own people and just seeing personally the poverty, brokenness, and abundance of needs, I developed a desire to help my own people.
I found out about The World Race through a team that came through Honduras in 2013. The organization I used to work for was able to host them for one night. One girl in particular kept telling me that I should apply. I thought it was a great organization and I loved the idea of traveling to 11 countries but I just didn't think that's what God wanted for me.
After a few weeks I met another WR team randomly at a mall. At this point both my family and close friends thought that this was something that I should pursue but I still felt like it wasn't something for me. I felt like my heart was for my own people or at least for people in Latin America. Then the WR opened a new route called the Spanish route where it only went to Latin America. This was the point where I decided to go ahead and apply. However, I applied because people in my life kept telling me to and I felt like God kept pushing me to do it. I applied not because I wanted to but because I felt like I should.
Through the whole process of applying I was continuously looking for a way out but God kept making things so easy for me. He kept opening doors that I kept trying to close. People were encouraging me and fundraising, which I imagined would be super difficult, came so easy even without me trying hard at all. When I applied for the US visa to go to training camp I got denied and I was extremely relieved. I thought to myself, "This is my way out." However, when I talked to the WR office about the visa they were so considerate and willing to work with me and encouraged me to keep pursuing this. Pursuing the World Race at this point would mean changing my route completely.
I was so heartbroken that I was not going where I felt like my heart was. I chose the new route just because it was the only one that was going to China, a place I've always been interested in. I know this was a stupid reason to chose this route but It's the truth.
At this point I was already committed to going on the race and God had provided the funds and made it evident that He wanted me to go. I chose to go out of obedience but my heart was not in it. When I started the race in Bulgaria it was very hard for me because not only was my heart not it but I felt like I could have been more useful to God back home. In Bulgaria I did more service work like doing the dishes, cleaning, and serving food than doing actual ministry. I felt like I wasn't pouring into anyone's life and the language barrier made it even more difficult. I also felt like I was not connecting with my team, the people I was supposed to be working and serving alongside of. All of this just made it even more difficult for me to understand why God had brought me here. In month two I continued to question why I was on the race.
All of this time I was fighting God subconsciously. I didn't realize I was doing this until the end of month two and beginning of month three. The whole time I was willing to do the bare minimum but I was not willing to really invest in the opportunities and the people God was surrounding me with. God opened my eyes to see how much I was fighting Him simply because the plans I thought He had for me didn't match where He was leading me. After He opened my eyes to this, I realized that this would mean I would have to start letting go of what I thought Gods will was for my life.
Because the race was not what I wanted it to be and not where my heart was, I had questioned why He would give me a heart for my own people in the first place. I had failed to see that He was calling me somewhere else for a reason. I hadn't wanted to see that there is so much that God can and will teach me no matter where I am. I know that by letting go of my dream of serving Him in Latin America in this current season of my life, does not mean that it is never where He will call me. For now however, He has called me to this route where He can teach me things I would not have learned otherwise.
He is slowly giving me a heart for this route by showing Himself to me through the people I meet along the way. He is breaking my heart for what breaks His.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
