.: Thursday, February 9th :.
“It’s her climb!” the Lord whispered to me…
.: Roughly 2 ½ weeks ago :.
“Oh wow! She is beautiful!”
I recall repeating that statement a few times to myself as I entered her beautiful home. Her name was Lady A (I can’t share her real name for safety reasons for my host). She was sitting down on this beige and red mat that they had laid on their living room floor. She looked so peaceful in her purple slacks, tan top and a cute little gold necklace. Her best accessory however was the little boy sitting next to her who holding on tightly to her arms. “Her son!” I guessed as I stared at the cute dark haired boy. She was casually rubbing his hair and hands while he would lift his head up and shyly look at each one of us. He probably was wondering who these “boules” (it means “foreigners” in Indonesian) are and what they are doing in his home.
My eyes went right back to her though.
“Man! God! She is so beautiful. Why? Why does she have to go through this? Why did you let her be blind?”
I know. I know. Wrong question to ask! But at the time, I seriously couldn’t help it!
The more I looked at her, the more I looked at her family, the more I listened to her story, the more my heart started to break. I was on the verge of tears as I realized this:
“Papa! She gave birth to her son six years ago, and had not been able to see what he looks like!”
Then it suddenly dawned on me what we came to her home to do and I started to panic inside:
“I don’t think I can do this.”
Her husband had asked our ministry host to bring our team to his home to pray for his wife, for her to recover her sight, for his home, for his family, and his business.
“There is no way I (not my teammates, just I) personally can pray that healing prayer. There is no way “my” prayer will help. There is no way she can get her eyesight back if I pray. It is too big of a thing for me to ask of you God.”
By the way, that was a lie: there is nothing too big that God can’t do! Also, there is no such thing as praying prayers that are too big. We serve a BIG God who cares about both the small and big things. I should have known better!
Nevertheless, those thoughts could not stop running in my head. It was so bad that I considered for a moment bowing out of this one because I felt like I was the weakest link on my team. I was starting to feel like my little faith would hinder the work that God can do through my teammates’ prayers. And I would hate it if God chose to not give this lady her sight back because I had so little faith. But since I couldn’t come up with an excuse that would be “good” enough to my squad coach, my squad leader and team leader and my teammates, I stayed put.
I continued to let these thoughts have a field day in my head up until it was time for us to gather around her to pray. As I “reluctantly” got off my chair to kneel next to her, I placed my hands on her hands. I remember thinking:
“Ok. There is no way out of this. Let’s do this Steph!”
As my squad coach opened the prayer session, I started to silently pray and I asked God (with tears in my eyes) to please accept me and the prayer I am about to pray. I basically asked Him to please look at me through Jesus and the blood He shed on Calvary because there is no way I feel worthy enough to approach Him at this moment with such big request.
He heard my cry because a few moments later, my team leader Ben asked if we are getting any words or pictures from God. One of my teammates Eric spoke up and said he wasn’t sure if this was specifically for Lady A, but he heard God tell him to share with her that she is worthy.
“She is worthy of this prayer and the healing,” Eric said.
Yes, that was for her, but I was 1,000% sure that it was for me too. As soon as he spoke those words out loud, ALL my doubts went away and I now knew that not only that God hears me when I pray, but also my prayer does matter and does carry some weight.
We continued to pray. We prayed. And prayed. We worshiped. We prayed some more. We spoke life over her and her family. We then wrapped up with a prayer of thanksgivings to God for the things He had done for them, for the things He is doing for them and all the things He will be doing through and for them.
.: Awesome things that happened while and after we prayed :.
1. Every time we started praying, the rain started to pour down harder. It was the strangest but coolest thing at the same time.
2. She started to cry during our prayer session. What was extra special about it was that tears started running down her face. It was a first for her: she’s been trying but had not been able to do that for the past 3 months. Amazing!!!
3. They were extremely grateful that we came to spend time with them as we promised we would.
4. They fed us some delicious cookies and served us some amazing warm tea.
.: “Not-So-Awesome” Things That Happened :.
In my eyes at least, they were not so cool. For the purpose of this blog, I will only reveal one of them and it is as follows: we left their home without seeing the miracle that we prayed for, the one that I wanted to see so badly. To see her gain her eyesight back on the spot!
It bothered me a lot over the next few days. I would ask God why He couldn’t just heal her. (Again, maybe wrong question to ask, but I couldn’t help it! I was disappointed!)
“I mean, You’re awesome for healing the tumor that caused her to be blind in the first place a year or two plus after she was diagnosed. You’re awesome that she is now able to see white (at first everything used to be pitch black.) You’re awesome for making tears finally flow out of her eyes for the first time in 3 months. But seriously, why couldn’t You just make her see again? Why not give her sight back Lord? I mean she doesn’t even know what the son You’ve given her looks like. I know You can do it. This is nothing for You. You did it often when You came down from earth. I am sure You are doing it as we speak. I know this would be a walk in the park for You. So why didn’t You do it?”
And He gave me NOTHING. He didn’t answer me. Therefore, I chose to just table it with the hopes that He would talk to me about it later. And He finally did during our squad devotion time on Thursday morning February 9th.
.: Back to February 9th… :.
We are now in “debrief.” In Malaysia. “Debrief” is the time where the squad gets together at the end of each month to reflect on what happened during the month, to rest and get ready for the next month ahead.
It was the second morning of debrief and we were having our morning devotion on the rooftop of our hostel. One of our squad leaders Jeremy spoke to us on James 1:2-3. He encouraged us to find joy in all and any hardships that we may be facing. At times, our first instinct is to run to God and ask Him to remove us from that hard situation right away. While God is more than capable of doing so, Jeremy reminded us that there is just as much beauty when God doesn’t perform that instant miracle we asked of Him. There is beauty when He takes you through a process at the end of which you not only get delivered from whatever it was you needed deliverance but you also become stronger and better because you went through it.
On their WR, Jeremy and one of his teammates decided to look for the highest mountain in the area they were at and they hiked it to its tallest point. When they made it to the top, they saw 3-4 other mountains with even taller points. They decided to hike mountain #2, only to see even more mountains with even taller points. They did that about 2 more times, then went home.
Right then and there, after Jeremy shared that story, God dropped Lady A in my spirit and it clicked. It suddenly made sense because He whispered:
“It’s her climb! It’s her process! It’s her journey that I am on with her!”
And to that I replied:
“I understand Papa! I understand”
Even though the miracle that I was hoping for did not happen, He told me that He has been, is and will continue to perform healing in her life and her family’s life. He’s been given us a sneak peek too: the tumor being gone, her being able to see white, the tears coming out of her eyes. And these healings are things that we can see with our physical eyes. I can’t even begin to imagine what He must be doing in the spiritual realm on her behalf. Thus to me, it’s a work in progress, a mountain top after a mountain top (like Jeremy mentioned in his story). God’s just getting started.
“It’s her climb!”
You’re awesome for reading! Thanxies so much!
A few things:
- My time in Indonesia and Malaysia came to an end. I am now in Thailand with all the girls. The guys are in India. We have split by gender and I am super excited to see what God has in store for us this month. Stay tuned!
- I am $657 away from reaching my 3rd financial deadline February 28. I am also $5,274 away from being fully funded. Please feel free to hit the “Donate!” button if you have been feeling led to do so but have not gotten the chance to do so. ANY amount will help!
- I would love to be praying for you. So if you have any prayer requests, feel free to comment on the post, send me an email at [email protected] or reach out to me on Facebook or IG (@sincerelystcyr)
